My Generation (Not the Who Song) - Song# 51

My Generation (Not the Who Song) by Rich Baker

Born in 81 we like to have fun
Played video games and watched reruns
Our lives are hectic. Our tastes eclectic
We prefer not to call just send a text

We are Generation Y. Watched Tanya Harding Cry
Ninja turtles, Kurt Cobain, and Peter Gabriel's In Your Eyes
OJ on the run. Bill Clinton
Our first crush was Pamela Anderson

(Chorus)
This is my generation
We're hard to define
We believe in different things
We never have enuff time

We play games on our iphones game on our desktops
Everyone of us have seen an episode of cops
We had pagers and then we got cells
Our parents like to go to the Wisconsin Dells

(Chorus)
This is my generation
That's how we roll
We like to play games
Collect $200 when we pass go

We live off credit cards. Hang out in bars.
We pushed America to drive in Hybrid cars.
We need to be entertained. We like to tease our brains.
When celebs hook up we combine their names

We don't go to mass. We have no middle class
George W. Bush was a dumbass
Born with the rubix cube. We watch Youtube
We watch Comedy Central for our news

We have constant media. Get our smarts from Wikipedia.
I'm IMing you digitally meeting ya
The Matrix spun around. Careers jump around
We're always working out trying to lose some pounds

(Bridge)
We like all kinds of music
Some drink alcohol others abuse it
We fist bump when we greet each other
We're rebels who still call and talk to our mothers

(Chorus)
This is my generation
Figure us out
We don't know what we're saying
But we don't whisper we shout!

My Generation
My Generation

The Python Waltz - Song# 50

The Python Waltz by Rich Baker

I want a pet that is cool
I want a pet that is awesome
I want a pet that is different
Like a rabbit, a spider or a possum

My roommate's allergic to dogs
He's also allergic to cats
So I'm going to get the coolest animal
It slithers and it eats rats

(Chorus)
My python.
My snake of choice.
Still awesome
But safe for little girls and boys

People will wonder why
Why on earth would you get this?
I'd play with my python a lot
And cuddle and play and kiss

(Chorus)
My python
Not too big not too small
Still awesome
Not poisonous at all

(Bridge)
You can take them out of their cage
Can't play fetch, but still can play
There's so many things a snake can do
Let them crawl all over you

(Chorus)
My python
Not a burmese
Still awesome
And that pleases me

Ghost Texts - Song# 49

Ghost Texts by Rich Baker

Sometimes I miss the people who have died
When loved ones go we usually cry
Seems like we never get to say our goodbyes
What if it wasn't over. What a surprise.

Just to talk to the departed would be great
Tell me about the beyond. What is my fate?
Send me your words all the way from heaven
Send it to my phone in a text message

(Chorus)
Ghost Texts
Texts from the grave
Ghost Texts
What will the dead say?

One hundred sixty characters is all you got
Send me your updates and your thoughts
What's Heaven like? Is God really tall?
Can you tell me the future? Tell me it all.

(Chorus)
Ghost texts
Texts from a ghost
Ghost texts
Send me a blog post

(Bridge)
I wanna hear from you even though you're gone
Send me a smiley ghost face emoticon
Ask me how I'm doing or send me a quote
I don't care as long as I get a text from a ghost

(Chorus)
Ghost texts
I just wanna read
Ghost texts
Not from a zombie
Your hands can't touch the screen
Ghost texts
Make them haunting
Ghost texts!

Fighting Crime (A Love Song) - Song# 48

Fighting Crime (A Love Song) by Rich Baker

Put on your crazy color tights
Let’s go out patrolling tonight
Maybe we’ll find crime and bust some heads
And go back home and cuddle in bed

Get in the car and drive around town
Criminals fear us as we make them frown
Halting their robberies and evil deeds
Then on to making out we will proceed

(Chorus)
So, let’s fight crime together
You get the capes. I’ll bring the masks.
After bashing in bad guys’ heads
We snuggle on the couch and relax

It would be so cooler than seeing a movie
Tandem kicking ass is the way it should be
We’ll punch in some faces while we hold hands
The tales of our heroics told across the lands

(Chorus)
So, let’s fight crime together
You get the weapons. I’ll grab the ropes.
Once we give those scum our rath
We go home and take a bubble bath

(Bridge)
Other couples have picnics and parties
Or take long walks by the river
We choose to save the innocent
And make all the underworld quiver

(Chorus)
So, let’s fight crime together
You get the smoke bombs, we’ll meet in the alley
And once the night is over
We’ll go home and watch When Harry Met Sally

You’re the toughest girl I know
When you punch it really smacks
If the zombies attack today
I want you joining my survivor pack

(Chorus)
So, let’s fight crime together
I’ll grab the bullet proof vests and the hook shooting guns
Then we’ll tie up the bad dudes for the police
In the morning for breakfast we’ll get honey buns

Let’s fight crime together
Let’s fight crime together

The Apocalypse Came When I Was Hanging A Poster - Song# 47

The Apocalypse Came When I Was Hanging A Poster
by Rich Baker

I ordered a poster of Batman as drawn by Jim Lee
It came And I got excited. Yippeee!
The nerd in me jumped. It was so well drawn.
Now just to decide which wall to hang it on

After a few minutes I had decided
I hung it and then sat back and admired
Didn’t take much time. Five minutes tops.
But in that short time humanity was lost

No cars were running no voices made sound
I walked at my door. Started looking around
A jump rope lay still on the sidewalk
All was silent, no chatter. No talk

(Chorus)
The Apocalypse came when I was hanging a poster
Dunno what caused it
Everyone’s gone
Humanity lost it
Why am I still here? What did I miss?
Apparently, the apocalypse

Houses were standing so it wasn’t a bomb
No birds were chirping all was so calm
A shudder went thru me. A frightening sensation.
Was this the rapture like in revelations?

(Chorus)
The Apocalypse came when I was hanging a poster
No idea what went on
I’m the only one left
Everything is wrong
Why was I spared? Was there a solar eclipse?
What caused the apocalypse?

(Bridge)
No zombies or comets or volcanoes bursting
No famine or drought with everyone thirsting
No virus or suffering they just disappeared
All while I was hanging a poster…how weird.

(Chorus)
The apocalypse came while I was hanging a poster
And I cannot understand
Were they all taken by aliens?
Every woman and man?
Did the poster save me? Allow me to resist?
The sudden apocalypse

Now I have no friends to talk to and I’m so bored
But I own everything. I’m like the earth lord
I can travel anywhere from England to Japan
But wherever I go I’m bringing the poster of Batman!

(Chorus)
The apocalypse came while I was hanging a poster
I may never know why.
Is the poster magical and did it save me?
These questions I cannot deny?
There’s a lot of food allowing me to subsist
Make it thru the Apocalypse

The Arcade - Song# 46

The Arcade by Rich Baker

I miss those days spent at the arcade
All day playing video games
Going up and down the aisles
My face would be a permanent smile

Smarter kids like libraries
Paying attention for me is a rarity
I need much more noise than all that
Fighting ninjas in Mortal Kombat!

For me the old arcades never failed
And I prefer them to the games that are handheld
Gimmie a button the size of a pepperoni
When Pacman eats the blinking dot he gets glowy

(Chorus)
In the arcade!
Life is a game
Never the same
I outta change my name
To king of the arcade!

If I’m Mario I’m a super plumber
And Dig dug needs to keep going under
In Off Road I can win money to buy new tires
When he dunks in NBA jam, “He’s on fire!”

(Chorus)
In the arcade!
We always played
Good times never fade
We wish we had stayed
To be the king of the arcade!

In Rampage can I destroy all of Japan?
How many robots can be beat by Mega Man?
Pitfall features a dashing crusader
We need to blow up all the Spaced Invaders

You can only punch Mike Tyson in the head
You need to duck or get eaten in House of the Dead
When it comes to pinball you can never go wrong
Avoid the barrels thrown by donkey Kong

Defend the earth from the aliens from Mars
Frogger needs to watch out for the cars
Arkanoid will use a ball to destroy the blocks
Shoot up the space battles with StarFox

(Chorus)
In the arcade!
To the Nintendo gods we prayed
Back then we weren’t concerned about getting laid
Time makes the memories start to fade
When we were kings of the arcade!

Tell Me How to Hit On You - Song# 45

Tell Me How to Hit On You - by Rich Baker

Excuse me, ma'am. A moment please.
I need your opinion about my inquiries
Despite this lighting being dark
I noticed you from across the bar

I'd like to hit on you if I might
And hope that you'll wanna hangout tonight
But I have no idea what to say
Would you advise me if that's okay?

(Chorus)
Tell me how to hit on you
So I can do the best that I can do
I'd really like for my next line to work
So, just tell me how I should flirt

I know it's like telling someone what gift to buy
And thus it ruins all the surprise
Personally I'd rather just tell my friend
So that I get a great gift in the end

(Chorus)
Give me the words to talk to you
I'll do my best to make them sound new
Feed me some lines like Cyrano
I can't wait to see how this goes

I'm far from a poetic talking dude
And what I make up could come off rude
So, instead of me making it up and taking a chance
Just give me the magic words to get in your pants

(Chorus)
Say to me what I need to be all about
So we can move on to making out
I've got the delivery if you've got the lines
I won't say them to your chest but right to your eyes

(Bridge)
Just think about my proposition
This can be a straight forward decision
Aren't you sick of guys saying cheesy lines
With your words I'll sound sincere and kind

(Chorus)
Just let me know how to speak to you
I'll say them like they are completely true
If you tell me you'll know they'll be right
And then we could go home together tonight

Valentine’s Day is Just Another VD - Song# 44

Valentine’s Day is Just Another VD by Rich Baker

I’d doing Valentine’s Day solo
And I just want you to know
That I think it’s pretty great
To live this day without a date

I’m alone of Valentine’s Day
All the girls can stay away
All I have to worry about is me
Valentine’s Day is just another VD

(Chorus)
Valentine’s Day is just another VD
Like all the rest, keep it away from me
Valentine’s Day is just another VD
Like all the rest, keep it away from me

No need to stand at a chocolate store for hours
No credit card payments online for flowers
No reservations at fancy restaurants
No concern about someone else’ wants

I’m not bitter about being alone
I’m quite happy to sit at home
I don’t have ‘Singles Awareness’ on my shirt
Or cry about my heart being hurt

(Chorus)
Valentine’s Day is just another VD
Like all the rest, keep it away from me
Valentine’s Day is just another VD
Like all the rest, keep it away from me

The pressure, the crowds, the frantic pace
The overcrowded places, it’s all a rat race
All the money spent to appease
Like Bon Jovi says, ‘love’s a social disease.’

(Bridge)
I’m not doggin on love, so don’t get me wrong
I’m happy for them, but in this song
It’s all about staying away from the dreaded VD
And I don’t think all that it makes anyone happy

Chorus x2

Tongue Twister - Song# 43

ongue Twister by Rich Baker

Twisting twine twirls tween a twitter’s towel
At best he jest her rested chest would nest a vest upon a crested howl
To tear to take ten times too tuff to track too tall to tell
Heathon’s reasons breathe on seasons to cheapen treason down to hell

When one will wake was with white worms whisked in waspy water worn with work, but why?
There the thoughts the thirty-third thoughts they think therapy thins thumbs though they thunder high
Listen within wiccans in them is then quicken to piss in the glisten pig pin
By wrote the note would quote & float the boat to tote your throat would bloat in sin

Among the young with tongue had sun & run the dung that hung at dawn
The bell of hell would swell with smell & fell to quell the hell of tell as a pawn
Roderick brought a brick outta click with fodder sick & potter stick so small
Arrange the wage of rage to page the sage in cage or gage it at all

Hear the hate, the heat, heal the head of holy hurting hot heavy help holds heinous whores
Smell smacks small and smears the smegma smarter so smarter smut than before
What licks tricks to fix the six sick wics kicks the licks and dicks nicks picks
Of tried true trinity trails trophies trying trusting training traitor’s tricks

The mortar makes the shorter shakes the trembling trail of woes
Shells shoot the shame shorn from shocks and shakes the shambles of your lows
Resonates, hesitates, complicates, undulates, and wants to hate but shall remain
Toss the loss of cost to not and watch the shot the lost and moss of the abstain

Song for Your Birthday - Song #42

Song for Your Birthday by Rich Baker

(Chorus)
This is a song for your birthday
This is your song
This is a song for your birthday
Your birthday song

Some years ago right on this day
You were born and people said, ‘hooray’
You got older that is clear
And ever since then once a year

We celebrate your birthday and that’s how it is
You’re allowed to do things that aren’t your normal biz
You can drink and party and eat lots of cake
And others around you can help you partake

(Chorus)
This is a song for your birthday
The one day you’re not wrong
This is a song for your birthday
Your birthday song
This is a song for your birthday
You can play ping pong
This is a song for your birthday
Your birthday song

(Bridge)
This ain’t earth day this is your birthday
Wear your favorite shirt day on your birthday
This is not a curse day. It’s your birthday
There are worse days than your birthday

(Chorus)
This is a song for your birthday
It’s not too long
This is a song for your birthday
Your birthday song

You are so special on this day
You can tell everyone to get out of your way
You can get drunk or break the law
You can perch on a wire like a bird and caw

(Chorus)
This is a song for your birthday
And you are strong
This is a song for your birthday
Your birthday song
This is a song for your birthday
Are you wearing a thong?
This is a song for your birthday
Your birthday song!

Stuck: The Ramblings of a Technophobe - Song# 41

Stuck: The Ramblings of a Technophobe by Rich Baker

I don’t use a microwave just the stove
I don’t have an alarm clock, just hear the cock crow
Got no e-mail, just envelopes and stamps
Don’t have no sewing machine. I hand stitch my own pants

I won’t get on an airplane, only birds should take flight
I do have a television, but it’s black and white
No digital camera, just my own memory
I got no electric car just a scooter powered by my feet

(Chorus)
Keep away the gizmos
It’s all too scary for me
I’m proud to be stuck in the past
Not willing to embrace technology

I ain’t got no iPod I just hum to myself
Don’t have a Kendle, there are real books on my shelf
Don’t have any lamps. Candles burn light just fine
Ain’t got no plastic cups. I drink everything from a stein

(Chorus)

Don’t have a computer people treat me like I’m poor
When I go bowling I write down my own score
Don’t got no air conditioner I have Japanese fans
Don’t have no cell phone, just a string and some cans

(Bridge)
Technology will overtake us
Just you watch and see
Computers will be the death of us
Running on all that electricity
Life would improve if we regress
Uninvent it all. Power it all down.
No toasters, no email, no electric toothbrush
The whole world becomes an Amish town

(Chorus)

Vampirate! - Song#40

Vampirate! by Rich Baker

What if a lady vampire was haunting one night
And a ship sailed to shore in her sight?
She planned to attack the crew, but to her surprise
She fell in love when she looked into the captain’s eyes

What if a pirate led his ship to a dock
And saw upon the shore a girl with an ethereal walk?
His plan to rape and pillage every girl he’d see
Ended when he saw her face and his heart skipped a beat

(Chorus)
This is what happens when a pirate and vampire fall in love
When treasure burying meets bloodthirsty
Like Captain Hook and Dracula hooking up
Oh what a phenomenal sight to see

A strange couple they made, but no one stared
With his sword and gun and her fangs all were scared
People crossed the street and moved away with trepidation
But they got in the finest restaurants without a reservation

He’d get drunk and shoot someone
She’d turn into a bat
He’d impale some dude with his sword
And she’d still be a bat

(Chorus)

They were truly in love smiling and holding hands
They would sail the seven seas and make life plans
They overcame the difficulties which came up often
After all it’s hard to make love inside a coffin

But time moved on and she was expecting
This half undead baby was going to need protecting
As it would not be delivered from the stork
Townsfolk might gather with torches and pitchforks

(Chorus)

(Bridge)
The baby was born with half a blue beard
And his own harem which for a baby was kinda weird
His father’s jondis and his mother’s allergy to the sun
By one year he could already seduce human women and fire a gun
Half hell spawn and half adventurer of the sea
He stayed away from garlic, baths, and water that was holy
He got a sweet movie deal. A Hollywood hit.
He was the badass half and half Vampirate

(Chorus)

I Beg You to Work - Song# 39

I Beg You to Work by Rich Baker

Technology is great it helps us all
It washes our dishes and makes a phone call
I look at anything I want right on the net
But then there are times I live to regret

It’s early morning and I gotta get to work
To get to my job as a front desk clerk
The sun is out. I’m ready to depart
But after a few turns of the key the car won’t start

I turn once again and then another time
Nothing at all. Has the battery died?
No clue what to do, I yell something rude
I gotta leave right now, which means I’m screwed

(Chorus)
Please work. I’m begging you
To please work. I don’t know what to do
Just please work. I’m not at all mechanically inclined
Please work. I didn’t plan for extra time

Big meeting in an hour and I’m prepared
With my power point saved as far as I’m aware
I go to look at it on my hard drive
And my heart skips three beats as I struggle to survive

The computer’s not responding. Nothing clicks
I hit escape and enter and I’m starting to get sick
It’s completely frozen. Why the hell won’t you behave?
My only copy is on your hard drive not yet saved

(Chorus)
Please work. Just enuff for me to get what I need
You just gotta work. I really need you to proceed
No one thinks about what to do when you break down
We just take for granted that you’ll always be around.

(Bridge)
I need to clean the house and the vacuum bag explodes
I just used the bathroom and I stopped up the commode
My GPS stopped everything and now I’m so lost
My pen ran out of ink while writing down my thoughts
The dishwasher won’t do anything now I gotta do it by hand
The airplane engine’s failing we’ll crash on dry land
The grenade pin didn’t fire now I gotta kill him with my knife
All this breaking down technology is really running my life

(Chorus)
Please just work. Why do you break at all?
I need you to work. What do you mean a factory wide recall?
We need technology now, without it we can’t endure
We can’t go back to the 1800s that would be torture

Inside Jokes - Song#38

Inside Jokes by Rich Baker

Inside jokes are great if you’re on the inside
No need for set up or premise just punchline
A fun moment that two or more can share
It bonds us and reminds us how we care

(Chorus)
The joke that we’re telling’s on the inside
You won’t get it no matter how we try
Inside jokes
Inside jokes

If you try to explain it you won’t succeed
You should know this before you proceed
But go ahead and watch the blank stare
It’s true when they say ‘You just had to be there.’

(Chorus)

And it seems cruel to tell one of these
Around someone else. Seems like a tease.
And you catch yourself saying almost like a command
‘No wait, you simply don’t understand.’

Of course they don’t, because it happened to you
For them it has no meaning. It’s not true.
It’s superfluous and completely unkind
And on that note here’s a list of some of mine:

(Bridge)
Who was that man with ‘Prime’ written on his butt?
It was about that actress, you know: Judy Garland?
Hmmm…I feel a bit thirsty. Sand
Oh man I walked right into that one. You’re so good.
“Maybe those others, but not us though.”
“Have you seen him with his shirt off?”
“Thank you, God for making Brian so attractive to women”
“Does anyone know what a best boy is?”
“I’m a little racist.”
Shooting pool, listening to Tom Petty.
One in each bedroom. One in the living room.
Undercovmo Policemo
Baker and Walker. The ladies can’t help themselves.
Batman, this is Plastic Man.
Duh, she’s my girl. That Jess, she’s my girl
Alpha Dogs – Rough!

Unless you’re one of just a small few
None of that had any meaning to you
Fun for me
Seems like a waste of time wouldn’t you agree?

(Chorus x2)

(Spoken over music)
By the way. Remember that time we heard that song by that guy who just sang about inside jokes that none of us got?

Sleep Is Underrate - Song#37

Sleep Is Underrated by Rich Baker

Lotta people don’t sleep
And they say they’re okay
Maybe they’re made of stronger stuff than me
Cause I just needs me sleep

Staying awake for more than twenty hours
I start to lose all of my normal human powers
Thinking and laughing and comprehending
When I don’t sleep they’re all just pending

(Chorus)
Time for z’s
Time for sleep
If I don’t go to bed soon I may just weep
I need to lay down
I need to dream
This ain’t some elaborate scheme

Navy seals can stay awake for days
But me, I will fall into a haze
I can’t be too sleep deprived
I need the sandman to hurry and arrive

If I go too long things get intense
And I start losing my ability to make sense
Words jumbled and mumbled and klungled
Will humble schum bell mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…snore

(Chorus)
It’s time for peace
Time for quiet
My body may cause an internal riot
I want my mattress
I want my pillow
My consciousness is short like the actors in Willow

(Bridge)
I’m barely awake as it is
4AM and my mind is going
My thoughts disconnected
And my stupidity is showing