Jesus Can't Skateboard - Song#31

Jesus Can’t Skateboard by Rich Baker (punk-esque)

He healed the lame and cured the sick
Prophets of old would predict
The miracles were amazing that he performed
But as far as I know Jesus couldn’t skateboard

Born to a virgin that an angel fortold
Crucified by the government at 33 years old
He preached and fought for all that’s right
But he could not handle himself on a half pipe.

(Chorus)
Jesus can’t skateboard
They didn’t exist back in the day
Jesus can’t skateboard
But that’s still okay

(Bridge)
This news shouldn’t shatter your faith
It doesn’t make him less of deity
Buddha can’t surf and Mohammed don’t rollerblade
Although I heard Krishna can juggle with his feet

God in human form sent down from above
Sent to show men how to live and love
And it says that he knows everyone’s names
But he wouldn’t qualify for the x-games

If he tried to skate down a rail he might bust his head
And then that would be a good reason why Jesus wept
If he got hurt he could touch himself and heal
Based on his skateboarding skills Nike ain’t giving him a commercial deal

(Chorus)
Jesus can’t skateboard
He never learned growing up
Jesus can’t skateboard
And he knows whassup

It must be hard when God is your father
If Jesus could skateboard he could do it on water
Hanging out with Jesus would he show you a sign?
He would turn the Gatorade into wine

(Chorus)
Jesus can’t skateboard
He would never need to
Jesus can’t skateboard
Maybe if he attempted to
Jesus can’t skateboard
Would he wear knee pads?
Jesus can’t skateboard
But his dirt bike skills are quite rad