The Tony Bus by Rich Baker (Dance Club Song)
(Chorus)
I’m on the Tony Bus
I’m on the Tony Bus
Wheels go round and round
On the Tony Bus
I’m on the Tony Bus
I’m on the Tony Bus
Keep your hands and feet inside
Of the Tony Bus
The Tony bus pulls up to the 4 way stop sign
Sittin’ behind the wheel is Tony looking fine
Better get up on the bus if you wanna get a seat
If you’re not on the bus you’ll be walking on your feet
(Chorus)
It’s the Tony Bus
The funky Tony Bus
A party’s going on
On the Tony Bus
Hop on the Tony Bus
Jump on the Tony Bus
Tony is the driver
Of the Tony Bus
You wanna go hang with all the cool peeps
Don’t get on tired cuz we ain’t gonna sleeps
All the ladies get on and they look divine
Get your drink on and dance and have a good time
(Chorus)
On the Tony Bus
The freakin’ Tony Bus
You’re gonna dance your butt off
On the Tony Bus
The happy Tony Bus
The big ole Tony Bus
Let’s all get freaky
On the Tony Bus
(Bridge)
Tony is the man and everybody knows
On the Tony Bus, what Tony says goes
But he’s not a mean guy just wants to have fun
And the bus don’t stop until we see the sun
(Chorus)
On the Tony Bus!
The hella Tony Bus
Everyone is cool on the Tony Bus
The Tony Bus
The Tony Bus
No one sucks
On the Tony Bus
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
High Fives! - Song#29
High Fives! by Rich Baker
(Chorus)
Hey there, new friend!
Let us high five.
Hey there ex-girlfriend.
We should high five.
Hey there celebrity
Can we high five?
Hi Mr. President.
An official high five.
It can be fun or neutral or mean nothing at all
You can do it in the board room or when you’re shooting ball
No need to worry. We all understand
It’s always okay to just slap hands.
Sometimes in life we don’t know the right thing to do
Should I hug this girl I just met when I say adieu.
Is a firm hand shake too much? That’s a hard call.
A wave or a bro’s hug? What’s the right protocol?
It’s so easy to do
And it’s always right
And has become acceptable
Even if you’re white
(Chorus)
Hey there Uncle Joe
Let us high five!
Hey there girl at Starbucks,
We can high five
It’s a sweet old lady
And we just high fived
A stranger at a bar when the team scored
It’s okay to high five!
Some girls are weird about hugging sometimes
And some won’t hug in front, only to the side
Some cultures bow and others kiss cheeks
If you don’t know what to do, just be discrete
Preempt the awkward and raise your right hand
Say something fun like, “Alright my man.”
No need to press noses or Eskimo kiss
The other alternative is to bump in your fists
(Chorus)
Hey there Mr. Mailman,
Let’s say ‘hi’ and high five
My neighbor taught his poodle
To paw up a high five
If I ever met Jesus
I bet we’d high five
And when the aliens come to greet us
I’ll try to high five
(Bridge)
Slap it! Shake it! Up or down!
Bump it! Nail it! Then lock it down!
Explode it! Implode it! Make your own sounds
Shoulder hit! Chest bump it! All over town.
There’re so many ways to greet
When people first meet
All variations and they’ll never be complete
I’m sure there are people who do it with their feet.
(Chorus)
Hey there corpse of John Wayne!
May we high five?
All you fictional characters,
Let’s all high five!
Guy who got his hand cut off
Let’s…elbow bump?
Boy in the bubble!
Understood high five!
(Chorus)
Hey there, new friend!
Let us high five.
Hey there ex-girlfriend.
We should high five.
Hey there celebrity
Can we high five?
Hi Mr. President.
An official high five.
It can be fun or neutral or mean nothing at all
You can do it in the board room or when you’re shooting ball
No need to worry. We all understand
It’s always okay to just slap hands.
Sometimes in life we don’t know the right thing to do
Should I hug this girl I just met when I say adieu.
Is a firm hand shake too much? That’s a hard call.
A wave or a bro’s hug? What’s the right protocol?
It’s so easy to do
And it’s always right
And has become acceptable
Even if you’re white
(Chorus)
Hey there Uncle Joe
Let us high five!
Hey there girl at Starbucks,
We can high five
It’s a sweet old lady
And we just high fived
A stranger at a bar when the team scored
It’s okay to high five!
Some girls are weird about hugging sometimes
And some won’t hug in front, only to the side
Some cultures bow and others kiss cheeks
If you don’t know what to do, just be discrete
Preempt the awkward and raise your right hand
Say something fun like, “Alright my man.”
No need to press noses or Eskimo kiss
The other alternative is to bump in your fists
(Chorus)
Hey there Mr. Mailman,
Let’s say ‘hi’ and high five
My neighbor taught his poodle
To paw up a high five
If I ever met Jesus
I bet we’d high five
And when the aliens come to greet us
I’ll try to high five
(Bridge)
Slap it! Shake it! Up or down!
Bump it! Nail it! Then lock it down!
Explode it! Implode it! Make your own sounds
Shoulder hit! Chest bump it! All over town.
There’re so many ways to greet
When people first meet
All variations and they’ll never be complete
I’m sure there are people who do it with their feet.
(Chorus)
Hey there corpse of John Wayne!
May we high five?
All you fictional characters,
Let’s all high five!
Guy who got his hand cut off
Let’s…elbow bump?
Boy in the bubble!
Understood high five!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Freezing/Sexy - Song #28
Freezing/Sexy by Rich Baker
Twelve degrees outside
Winds blowing and no sun in sight
Puddles along the ground are solid ice
None of it seems right
Little bit of snot frozen below your nose
Teary eyes hit by wind are bloodshot
Skin is dry and pale beyond repair
In this weather, no one looks hot
(Chorus)
I’m Freezing/Sexy, girl
My hand’s the icy touch of death
I’m Freezing/Sexy, girl
When I speak you get to see my breath
I might have a body under these four coats
Or a nice head of hair you can’t see with my cap
With longjohns, wind pants, and underarmour
I couldn’t feel it if you sat on my lap
Come over here and lets hold mittens
Snowboots high up to our knees
I’ll lean in to kiss you in front of the snowman
But now we’re stuck as our lips freeze
(Chorus)
I’m Freezin/Sexy, girl
In my puffy coat
I’m Freezing/Sexy, girl
One look at me, that’s all she wrote
(Bridge)
Why would anyone ever settle here?
Were the Indians just sick of moving west?
Let’s build a dome over the city
If they did that, I’d be impressed
I could have lived in Cali or Arizona
Of all the places, Chicago’s what I’ve chosen
Frigid from November thru May
It’s so cold, even the great lakes become frozen
(Chorus)
I’m Freezin/Sexy, girl
My ears are getting numb
I’m Freezing/Sexy, girl
I’ll lick you like a popsicle, gonna get me some
Twelve degrees outside
Winds blowing and no sun in sight
Puddles along the ground are solid ice
None of it seems right
Little bit of snot frozen below your nose
Teary eyes hit by wind are bloodshot
Skin is dry and pale beyond repair
In this weather, no one looks hot
(Chorus)
I’m Freezing/Sexy, girl
My hand’s the icy touch of death
I’m Freezing/Sexy, girl
When I speak you get to see my breath
I might have a body under these four coats
Or a nice head of hair you can’t see with my cap
With longjohns, wind pants, and underarmour
I couldn’t feel it if you sat on my lap
Come over here and lets hold mittens
Snowboots high up to our knees
I’ll lean in to kiss you in front of the snowman
But now we’re stuck as our lips freeze
(Chorus)
I’m Freezin/Sexy, girl
In my puffy coat
I’m Freezing/Sexy, girl
One look at me, that’s all she wrote
(Bridge)
Why would anyone ever settle here?
Were the Indians just sick of moving west?
Let’s build a dome over the city
If they did that, I’d be impressed
I could have lived in Cali or Arizona
Of all the places, Chicago’s what I’ve chosen
Frigid from November thru May
It’s so cold, even the great lakes become frozen
(Chorus)
I’m Freezin/Sexy, girl
My ears are getting numb
I’m Freezing/Sexy, girl
I’ll lick you like a popsicle, gonna get me some
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Oops…I Wrote A Pop Song - Song #27
Oops…I Wrote A Pop Song by Rich Baker
(Chorus)
Oops…I wrote a pop song
But I’ll never do it once. It’ll never happen twice
Oops…I wrote a pop song
If I make a video of this I’ll need someone tossing dice
I didn’t mean to put in fast talking verses
When and old timey hero gets mad he yells ‘Curses!’
When I wrote songs it’s usually a ballad or folk
The 11th president of the USA was James K. Polk
Pop songs are full of nonsensical rhyming phrases
If I were a detective I’d have unsolved cases
The words don’t matter nearly as much
If you’re from the Netherlands you are Dutch
(Chorus)
Oops…I wrote a pop song
It’s not usually my style. I’m no Jay-Z
Oops…I wrote a pop song
If Kevin Spacey were a rapper he’d be Kevin Spay-Z
(Bridge)
I swear it’s not what I normally do
But, girl I just need to get with you
I’m never usually trying to be hardcore
Somehow I’m here out on the dance floor
(Chorus)
Oops…I wrote a pop song
There’s no place for me to play guitar
Oops…I wrote a pop song
The bad guy in Aladdin was named Jafar
Oops…I wrote a pop song
The beats in the song are really bass-y
Oops…I wrote a pop song
I wanted a watch phone just like Dick Tracy
Oops…I wrote a pop song
To make music for this I use a synthesizer
Oops…I wrote a pop song
Old Faithful is an example of a geyser
Oops…I wrote a pop song
Influenced by Britney, Christina, and Timbelake
Oops…I wrote a pop song
Giving Chevy Chase a talk show was a mistake
(Chorus)
Oops…I wrote a pop song
But I’ll never do it once. It’ll never happen twice
Oops…I wrote a pop song
If I make a video of this I’ll need someone tossing dice
I didn’t mean to put in fast talking verses
When and old timey hero gets mad he yells ‘Curses!’
When I wrote songs it’s usually a ballad or folk
The 11th president of the USA was James K. Polk
Pop songs are full of nonsensical rhyming phrases
If I were a detective I’d have unsolved cases
The words don’t matter nearly as much
If you’re from the Netherlands you are Dutch
(Chorus)
Oops…I wrote a pop song
It’s not usually my style. I’m no Jay-Z
Oops…I wrote a pop song
If Kevin Spacey were a rapper he’d be Kevin Spay-Z
(Bridge)
I swear it’s not what I normally do
But, girl I just need to get with you
I’m never usually trying to be hardcore
Somehow I’m here out on the dance floor
(Chorus)
Oops…I wrote a pop song
There’s no place for me to play guitar
Oops…I wrote a pop song
The bad guy in Aladdin was named Jafar
Oops…I wrote a pop song
The beats in the song are really bass-y
Oops…I wrote a pop song
I wanted a watch phone just like Dick Tracy
Oops…I wrote a pop song
To make music for this I use a synthesizer
Oops…I wrote a pop song
Old Faithful is an example of a geyser
Oops…I wrote a pop song
Influenced by Britney, Christina, and Timbelake
Oops…I wrote a pop song
Giving Chevy Chase a talk show was a mistake
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
A Great Man - Song #26
A Great Man by Rich Baker
(spoken)
This song is about a topic that many have written songs about before. It’s a song about a man. A man who changed the lives of millions. And although he can cause controversy sometimes, I believe his message is for us to all get along in peace. His earthly father raised him as best he cold despite knowing that he was not the boy’s real father.
This song is about a man who made the miraculous normal. He helped everyone he could. And his enemies wanted him dead at all cost.
This is a song about a man who stands for hope and freedom. A man who died only to come back from the grave in order to save us all. A man known by one symbol universally recognized by billions.
(singing begins)
You came to earth to save us
You came here to defend
We know of your strength
And you will fight to the very end
Some do not believe in you
Some think you’re a lie
Others love and worship you
And lift you up on high…because you can fly
(Chorus)
You know I’m talkin’ ‘bout Superman!
Better than the rest
My man Superman!
With the big ‘S’ on his chest
You fight Lex Luthor and Toyman
Brainiac, Bizarro, and Parasite
Occasionally you fight gods like Darkseid
And big brained apes like Ultra-Humanite
Your friends with all the Justice League
And closest with Batman Bruce Wayne
You keep an intergalactic zoo in your Fortress of Solitude
And you’re married to Lois Lane
(Chorus)
You know I’m talkin’ ‘bout Superman!
Who’s in the very best of shape
My man Superman!
Wearing that flowing red cape
(Bridge)
I know you’re not impossible to kill
Even though you are the man of steel
Kal-El from Krypton would never lose the fight
Unless poisoned from too much Kryptonite
Since 1938 you’ve fought fervently
Among the pages of comics from DC
You got too silly for a while with all different kinds
Of marriages and pets and sidekick story lines
But in the 80s just like a magic wand
Everything was fixed when you were retconned (RetCon or Retroactive Continuity means than an author intentionally alters facts once established for a work of serialized fiction)
(Chorus)
You know I’m talkin’ ‘bout Superman!
He’s the man, don’t you know?
My man Superman!
With a superdog at his side named Krypto
You know I’m talkin’ ‘bout Superman!
When it comes to heroes, he’s second to none
My man Superman!
Who gets strong absorbing up our yellow sun
Superman!
(spoken)
This song is about a topic that many have written songs about before. It’s a song about a man. A man who changed the lives of millions. And although he can cause controversy sometimes, I believe his message is for us to all get along in peace. His earthly father raised him as best he cold despite knowing that he was not the boy’s real father.
This song is about a man who made the miraculous normal. He helped everyone he could. And his enemies wanted him dead at all cost.
This is a song about a man who stands for hope and freedom. A man who died only to come back from the grave in order to save us all. A man known by one symbol universally recognized by billions.
(singing begins)
You came to earth to save us
You came here to defend
We know of your strength
And you will fight to the very end
Some do not believe in you
Some think you’re a lie
Others love and worship you
And lift you up on high…because you can fly
(Chorus)
You know I’m talkin’ ‘bout Superman!
Better than the rest
My man Superman!
With the big ‘S’ on his chest
You fight Lex Luthor and Toyman
Brainiac, Bizarro, and Parasite
Occasionally you fight gods like Darkseid
And big brained apes like Ultra-Humanite
Your friends with all the Justice League
And closest with Batman Bruce Wayne
You keep an intergalactic zoo in your Fortress of Solitude
And you’re married to Lois Lane
(Chorus)
You know I’m talkin’ ‘bout Superman!
Who’s in the very best of shape
My man Superman!
Wearing that flowing red cape
(Bridge)
I know you’re not impossible to kill
Even though you are the man of steel
Kal-El from Krypton would never lose the fight
Unless poisoned from too much Kryptonite
Since 1938 you’ve fought fervently
Among the pages of comics from DC
You got too silly for a while with all different kinds
Of marriages and pets and sidekick story lines
But in the 80s just like a magic wand
Everything was fixed when you were retconned (RetCon or Retroactive Continuity means than an author intentionally alters facts once established for a work of serialized fiction)
(Chorus)
You know I’m talkin’ ‘bout Superman!
He’s the man, don’t you know?
My man Superman!
With a superdog at his side named Krypto
You know I’m talkin’ ‘bout Superman!
When it comes to heroes, he’s second to none
My man Superman!
Who gets strong absorbing up our yellow sun
Superman!
Monday, January 25, 2010
The Lottery - Song# 25
The Lottery by Rich Baker
The lottery keeps me lazy
Because I know there’s a chance
A chance to get all the money I want
Without putting on nice pants
Of course, I’d love to be rich
No need to work hard all the time
Savings and investments, forget it
I’ll go the easy route for my dime
(Chorus)
The lottery!
Millions of dollars just for me
The lottery!
All my troubles gone away
The lottery!
Spend it right and it’ll last
The lottery!
I’ll never work another day
Pick my numbers and then I hope
Use a system to up my odds
Chances are they’ll come up soon
Big houses, fine suits, hot rods
I’ll buy whatever I want to buy
No debt, no worry over bills
The stresses of life melt awy
Even if I get sick I can afford the pills
(Chorus)
The lottery!
More money than I can even count
The lottery!
Freedom from everything that binds
The lottery!
I can dream of it all day
The lottery!
I’ll own everything and all kinds
(Bridge)
Mo money, mo problems?
Yeah right. I’d like 56 million problems
I don’t wanna scrimp and save and earn
I wanna win so much I have money to burn
Every week a disappointment so far,
But I have my sights set on my new car
It’ll happen soon. I just has to
If I don’t win, I don’t know what I’ll do
The lottery!
The lottery keeps me lazy
Because I know there’s a chance
A chance to get all the money I want
Without putting on nice pants
Of course, I’d love to be rich
No need to work hard all the time
Savings and investments, forget it
I’ll go the easy route for my dime
(Chorus)
The lottery!
Millions of dollars just for me
The lottery!
All my troubles gone away
The lottery!
Spend it right and it’ll last
The lottery!
I’ll never work another day
Pick my numbers and then I hope
Use a system to up my odds
Chances are they’ll come up soon
Big houses, fine suits, hot rods
I’ll buy whatever I want to buy
No debt, no worry over bills
The stresses of life melt awy
Even if I get sick I can afford the pills
(Chorus)
The lottery!
More money than I can even count
The lottery!
Freedom from everything that binds
The lottery!
I can dream of it all day
The lottery!
I’ll own everything and all kinds
(Bridge)
Mo money, mo problems?
Yeah right. I’d like 56 million problems
I don’t wanna scrimp and save and earn
I wanna win so much I have money to burn
Every week a disappointment so far,
But I have my sights set on my new car
It’ll happen soon. I just has to
If I don’t win, I don’t know what I’ll do
The lottery!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Call My Phone - Song #24
Call My Phone by Rich Baker
Would you mind calling me?
I can’t find my phone you see.
When you call it I’ll know its location
Which will end my frustration
I lose my phone a lot I know
I just don’t know where it goes
It’s like it has legs and walks away
When that happens you’ll hear me say:
(Chorus)
Please call my phone!
Please call me now
I listen to the ring
And that will bring
Me closer to the phone.
I really hope I didn’t leave it on vibrate
If I did that would make me irate
If it didn’t make any sound
How would I ever get around?
(Chorus)
Please call my phone!
I wish you could call other things
Like when I lose my keys
Or my wallet, shoes, or my integrity
My phone’s the only object I can lose and it be okay
(Bridge)
I must find the phone soon
Life without my phone makes no sense
How will I text or call or check my email?
My apps won’t access themselves…Unless they make an app for that
What will I do if I can’t text while I walk?
I can’t check it during conversations. I’ll have to listen to people when they talk.
I won’t know the weather or sports scores.
Cell phones own us. They’re the pimps and we’re the whores
(Chorus)
Please call my phone
What’s my number? I don’t know.
That information is found in my phone
I feel like a dog without his bone
Or an ice cream without the cone
A banker without a loan
Rivers without a Joan
A garden without a gnome
Even E.T. needed to phone home.
So, somebody, please call my phone
Would you mind calling me?
I can’t find my phone you see.
When you call it I’ll know its location
Which will end my frustration
I lose my phone a lot I know
I just don’t know where it goes
It’s like it has legs and walks away
When that happens you’ll hear me say:
(Chorus)
Please call my phone!
Please call me now
I listen to the ring
And that will bring
Me closer to the phone.
I really hope I didn’t leave it on vibrate
If I did that would make me irate
If it didn’t make any sound
How would I ever get around?
(Chorus)
Please call my phone!
I wish you could call other things
Like when I lose my keys
Or my wallet, shoes, or my integrity
My phone’s the only object I can lose and it be okay
(Bridge)
I must find the phone soon
Life without my phone makes no sense
How will I text or call or check my email?
My apps won’t access themselves…Unless they make an app for that
What will I do if I can’t text while I walk?
I can’t check it during conversations. I’ll have to listen to people when they talk.
I won’t know the weather or sports scores.
Cell phones own us. They’re the pimps and we’re the whores
(Chorus)
Please call my phone
What’s my number? I don’t know.
That information is found in my phone
I feel like a dog without his bone
Or an ice cream without the cone
A banker without a loan
Rivers without a Joan
A garden without a gnome
Even E.T. needed to phone home.
So, somebody, please call my phone
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Life of A Gargoyle - Song #23
Life of A Gargoyle by Rich Baker
Sit on a ledge all day
Sit on a ledge all day
Got no flesh or bones
Made outta stone
Sit on a ledge all day
I guard the catholic church
From the evils that might come
You just never know
What devil might show
Guarding all the church
Some gargoyles are animal
Some gargoyles are man
You look at me snd stare-ra
Because I am a Chimera
I’m meant to be ugly
I’m kind of a joke
Don’t scare too many folk
Ever since of what they did
A cartoon voiced by Keith David
Where I am a silly superhero
Sit on the ledge all day
Legs never stretch all day
I try not to weep
As my legs fall asleep
From not moving all day
I’m kinda evil looking
Like a ghost who’s out spooking
There’s all kinda trouble I get in
When I’m with my cousin
He’s a small and angry goblin
If someone could help me please
It won’t take much to ease
My bored mind
Just take the time
To give me checkers or something to read.
Sitting on the ledge all day
Sitting on the ledge all day
Not on a chair or a desk
But I’m still grotesque
Sitting on the ledge all day
Sit on a ledge all day
Sit on a ledge all day
Got no flesh or bones
Made outta stone
Sit on a ledge all day
I guard the catholic church
From the evils that might come
You just never know
What devil might show
Guarding all the church
Some gargoyles are animal
Some gargoyles are man
You look at me snd stare-ra
Because I am a Chimera
I’m meant to be ugly
I’m kind of a joke
Don’t scare too many folk
Ever since of what they did
A cartoon voiced by Keith David
Where I am a silly superhero
Sit on the ledge all day
Legs never stretch all day
I try not to weep
As my legs fall asleep
From not moving all day
I’m kinda evil looking
Like a ghost who’s out spooking
There’s all kinda trouble I get in
When I’m with my cousin
He’s a small and angry goblin
If someone could help me please
It won’t take much to ease
My bored mind
Just take the time
To give me checkers or something to read.
Sitting on the ledge all day
Sitting on the ledge all day
Not on a chair or a desk
But I’m still grotesque
Sitting on the ledge all day
Friday, January 22, 2010
Party Foul - Song# 22
Party Foul
It happens when you’re not thinking
It happens when you’ve been drinking
It happens when you’re trying to impress chicks
When it happens you look like a bag of dicks
(Chorus)
Party Foul!
The little moments that just aren’t cool
Party Foul!
When you wind up looking like a tool
Party Foul!
Yeah that just happened and it’s just sad
Party Foul!
Better apologize. Better say ‘my bad.’
Hanging at a party and you spill your beer
Try to franticly clean it up off a strange girl’s rear
In your panic you wind up making things worse
When you trip over her and she spills her purse
Take your friend’s car. Didn’t ask permission.
Drive it too hard and blow the transmission.
Push it back to his house just before dawn
Slip the keys back so he won’t know it was gone
When you’re in the bathroom doing you’re thing
And you notice there’s no toilet paper on the ring
So you decide it’d be okay to use your roommate’s towel
You best believe that’s a party foul.
Party Foul!
(Bridge)
Certain things you should just never do
And the one hurt the most will be you
So listen up and take my advice
The following are things that are never nice
Making out with you best friend’s ex
Party Foul!
Referring to your date as one of your projects
Party Foul!
Showing up to work when you’re contagious sick
Party Foul!
Hitting on chicks at the abortion clinic
Party Foul!
The moral of this story is that we all mess up
But just don’t be a douche and fess up
Just be cool and then you’ll be killing it
Or act like a tool all dumb and inconsiderate!
Party Foul!
It happens when you’re not thinking
It happens when you’ve been drinking
It happens when you’re trying to impress chicks
When it happens you look like a bag of dicks
(Chorus)
Party Foul!
The little moments that just aren’t cool
Party Foul!
When you wind up looking like a tool
Party Foul!
Yeah that just happened and it’s just sad
Party Foul!
Better apologize. Better say ‘my bad.’
Hanging at a party and you spill your beer
Try to franticly clean it up off a strange girl’s rear
In your panic you wind up making things worse
When you trip over her and she spills her purse
Take your friend’s car. Didn’t ask permission.
Drive it too hard and blow the transmission.
Push it back to his house just before dawn
Slip the keys back so he won’t know it was gone
When you’re in the bathroom doing you’re thing
And you notice there’s no toilet paper on the ring
So you decide it’d be okay to use your roommate’s towel
You best believe that’s a party foul.
Party Foul!
(Bridge)
Certain things you should just never do
And the one hurt the most will be you
So listen up and take my advice
The following are things that are never nice
Making out with you best friend’s ex
Party Foul!
Referring to your date as one of your projects
Party Foul!
Showing up to work when you’re contagious sick
Party Foul!
Hitting on chicks at the abortion clinic
Party Foul!
The moral of this story is that we all mess up
But just don’t be a douche and fess up
Just be cool and then you’ll be killing it
Or act like a tool all dumb and inconsiderate!
Party Foul!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Just Thoughts - Song #21
Just Thoughts by Rich Baker
What if angels were ugly?
But they were still majestic and musical
Would we still wanna be saved?
Would we turn down their homely miracle?
What if machine guns came in bright colors?
Like golden yellow or electric blue
Would war be more fun looking
Would you hate it less when I shot you?
(Chorus)
These are the random thoughts
Just thoughts floating in my head
Like cheerios floating in milk
Maybe they’re best left unsaid?
What if sex made you gassy?
Would we still want so much loving?
Only to spend the rest of the night
Under the covers with a Dutch oven?
What if chess pieces weighed fifty pounds each?
Then we gotta call it a sport now
No pencil necks pushing a pawn
Big muscled dudes pick up and put down…POW
(Chorus)
These are my pointless thoughts
Just thoughts falling down like rain
A drop or two hits my head sometimes
They vanish quickly never to remain
(Bridge)
What would life be like without knuckles?
Could I take more than one punch from Lou Ferigno?
Would cats sound smart if they could sing?
When God is bored does he do sudoku?
What if others knew about all these crazy thoughts?
Would they torch up and run me out of town?
I better keep all of these to myself
So, I’ll just remember to never write them down.
(Chorus)
These are my silly thoughts
They don’t mean a damn thing
Just thoughts flying through space
Like comets and debris and saturn’s rings
What if angels were ugly?
But they were still majestic and musical
Would we still wanna be saved?
Would we turn down their homely miracle?
What if machine guns came in bright colors?
Like golden yellow or electric blue
Would war be more fun looking
Would you hate it less when I shot you?
(Chorus)
These are the random thoughts
Just thoughts floating in my head
Like cheerios floating in milk
Maybe they’re best left unsaid?
What if sex made you gassy?
Would we still want so much loving?
Only to spend the rest of the night
Under the covers with a Dutch oven?
What if chess pieces weighed fifty pounds each?
Then we gotta call it a sport now
No pencil necks pushing a pawn
Big muscled dudes pick up and put down…POW
(Chorus)
These are my pointless thoughts
Just thoughts falling down like rain
A drop or two hits my head sometimes
They vanish quickly never to remain
(Bridge)
What would life be like without knuckles?
Could I take more than one punch from Lou Ferigno?
Would cats sound smart if they could sing?
When God is bored does he do sudoku?
What if others knew about all these crazy thoughts?
Would they torch up and run me out of town?
I better keep all of these to myself
So, I’ll just remember to never write them down.
(Chorus)
These are my silly thoughts
They don’t mean a damn thing
Just thoughts flying through space
Like comets and debris and saturn’s rings
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Virus! - Song #20
Virus! - by Rich Baker
You can’t see me. You can’t here me.
But I’m right there.
C’mon, let’s dance
I’m what everyone hates to share
I’ll make you stay at home, but have no fun
You’ll wanna be productive but nothing will get done
At best you’re on the couch rerun programs
And you can’t laugh cause of your swollen glands
It’s your last sick day for the year
So tomorrow you have no choice
Wake up and tough it out at work
With your clammy hands and raspy voice
Your weekend is toast
Your vacation a wreck
It’s all your fault that
Everyone is upset
Come a little closer
Give a little kiss
I like to spread around
Nobody do I wanna miss
I make your nose so runny
Your head is achy
You try and try and try to sleep
But you can’t breathe. Wakey. Wakey.
(Chorus)
I am a virus. I only have one mission.
A virus. Put you into submission
No antibiotics or drugs will work
Just one of many viral perks
I don’t care that you hate me
So, you better just listen
I can tear you up and inside out
Working my way throughout your system
I’m causing pain and I’m out for blood
And you better know I’m causing you hell
I have to find my way all up in you
Cause I can only replicate inside your cells
(Chorus)
I’m a virus and I’m hitting you hard
I’m a virus. It says so on my business card
I’m a virus and I’ll make you squirm
I’m a virus. Can’t get rid of my germs.
I’m a virus!
You can’t see me. You can’t here me.
But I’m right there.
C’mon, let’s dance
I’m what everyone hates to share
I’ll make you stay at home, but have no fun
You’ll wanna be productive but nothing will get done
At best you’re on the couch rerun programs
And you can’t laugh cause of your swollen glands
It’s your last sick day for the year
So tomorrow you have no choice
Wake up and tough it out at work
With your clammy hands and raspy voice
Your weekend is toast
Your vacation a wreck
It’s all your fault that
Everyone is upset
Come a little closer
Give a little kiss
I like to spread around
Nobody do I wanna miss
I make your nose so runny
Your head is achy
You try and try and try to sleep
But you can’t breathe. Wakey. Wakey.
(Chorus)
I am a virus. I only have one mission.
A virus. Put you into submission
No antibiotics or drugs will work
Just one of many viral perks
I don’t care that you hate me
So, you better just listen
I can tear you up and inside out
Working my way throughout your system
I’m causing pain and I’m out for blood
And you better know I’m causing you hell
I have to find my way all up in you
Cause I can only replicate inside your cells
(Chorus)
I’m a virus and I’m hitting you hard
I’m a virus. It says so on my business card
I’m a virus and I’ll make you squirm
I’m a virus. Can’t get rid of my germs.
I’m a virus!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Hard Nose Cop - Song #19
Hard Nose Cop by Rich Baker
Putting bad guys away is what I do
Got me a badge. Got me a gun.
I work nights when crime is high.
When you’re warm at home, my shift’s just begun.
Another crime scene. Another dead girl.
The chief is pissed. Bodies piling up.
The case is stressing everyone out.
Keeping awake with coffee. I’m on my third cup.
(Chorus)
I’m a hard nose cop
I am worth all the hype
A detective with an attitude
A walking stereotype
I go home by 4AM to my dismal house
Laundry’s piling up around the room
Old pizza boxes and a few beer cans
Could stand some cleaning and a vacuum
I’m up to my ears in paperwork
Divorced seven times so far
Bad knees, bad back, bad cholesterol
Burger King wrappers all over my car
(Chorus)
I’m a hard nose cop
Two days of scruff and a raspy voice
I get the job done
Like I was born into this with no choice
(Bridge)
Loose Cannon, Crazy Cowboy
Too many titles to tell
I’ll probably break some chick’s heart
And the captain will start to yell
No glits and glamour for me
Just time off the clock with a beer
Married to the job, busting heads
And the captain yell’s, “Get your ass in here!”
Putting bad guys away is what I do
Got me a badge. Got me a gun.
I work nights when crime is high.
When you’re warm at home, my shift’s just begun.
Another crime scene. Another dead girl.
The chief is pissed. Bodies piling up.
The case is stressing everyone out.
Keeping awake with coffee. I’m on my third cup.
(Chorus)
I’m a hard nose cop
I am worth all the hype
A detective with an attitude
A walking stereotype
I go home by 4AM to my dismal house
Laundry’s piling up around the room
Old pizza boxes and a few beer cans
Could stand some cleaning and a vacuum
I’m up to my ears in paperwork
Divorced seven times so far
Bad knees, bad back, bad cholesterol
Burger King wrappers all over my car
(Chorus)
I’m a hard nose cop
Two days of scruff and a raspy voice
I get the job done
Like I was born into this with no choice
(Bridge)
Loose Cannon, Crazy Cowboy
Too many titles to tell
I’ll probably break some chick’s heart
And the captain will start to yell
No glits and glamour for me
Just time off the clock with a beer
Married to the job, busting heads
And the captain yell’s, “Get your ass in here!”
Monday, January 18, 2010
Captain Average - Song #18
Captain Average by Rich Baker
Some people are really tall
Some are really thin
Some have really long hair
Some have darker skin
People come in all different shapes
And several different personalities
Me? I help anchor it all in place
I’m the average of all of these
(Chorus)
I’m the average white man
I won’t stand out in a crowd
Five foot eleven, short thinning hair
Not too soft, not too loud
No crazy scars, no tatoos
Not overweight, not muscled up
Not horribly ugly
By no means a handsome stud
I’m Mr. Average
I’m Mr. Average
For a long time I was bothered,
I was quite mad
I wanted to be bigger and better looking
Angered at my mom and my dad
Why’m I not taller
or have a real deep voice?
I’d have millions of dollars or dunk a basketball
If it were my choice.
I thought I was a no one
Nothing of consequence
Just an average dude
Always on the defense
Then one day I realized
I wasn’t gonna change
My statistics are what they are
No trade for a new body, no exchange
So, instead of spending time wishing
And dreaming about what I’m not
I embraced my normal regularness
And make the most of what I got
(Chorus)
I’m Captain Average
Not a superhero at all
I’m Captain Average
Not too short or too tall
I’m Captain Average
And I’ll be the best one I can be
I’m Captain Average
This acceptance sets me free
I’m Captain Average
I’m Captain Average
Sure I still have a thought now and then
Running in the touchdowns in the NFL
Or even the president in D.C.
Or flying spaceships. What the hell?
But no longer do those thoughts make me bitter
Or cause me any pain
Cause I’m doing just fine
I got no reason to complain
I’m Captain Average!
I’m Captain Average!
Some people are really tall
Some are really thin
Some have really long hair
Some have darker skin
People come in all different shapes
And several different personalities
Me? I help anchor it all in place
I’m the average of all of these
(Chorus)
I’m the average white man
I won’t stand out in a crowd
Five foot eleven, short thinning hair
Not too soft, not too loud
No crazy scars, no tatoos
Not overweight, not muscled up
Not horribly ugly
By no means a handsome stud
I’m Mr. Average
I’m Mr. Average
For a long time I was bothered,
I was quite mad
I wanted to be bigger and better looking
Angered at my mom and my dad
Why’m I not taller
or have a real deep voice?
I’d have millions of dollars or dunk a basketball
If it were my choice.
I thought I was a no one
Nothing of consequence
Just an average dude
Always on the defense
Then one day I realized
I wasn’t gonna change
My statistics are what they are
No trade for a new body, no exchange
So, instead of spending time wishing
And dreaming about what I’m not
I embraced my normal regularness
And make the most of what I got
(Chorus)
I’m Captain Average
Not a superhero at all
I’m Captain Average
Not too short or too tall
I’m Captain Average
And I’ll be the best one I can be
I’m Captain Average
This acceptance sets me free
I’m Captain Average
I’m Captain Average
Sure I still have a thought now and then
Running in the touchdowns in the NFL
Or even the president in D.C.
Or flying spaceships. What the hell?
But no longer do those thoughts make me bitter
Or cause me any pain
Cause I’m doing just fine
I got no reason to complain
I’m Captain Average!
I’m Captain Average!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Cuddling - Song #17
Cuddling by Rich Baker
I can’t cuddle you when I’m asleep.
My body doesn’t work that way
To fall asleep I can’t be touching you
I’ll need you to move yourself away
As romantic as I wanna be this can’t happen
Sinatra’s on the radio crooning
Candles are lit and we feel the warmth
We can face each other or we can be spooning
But it can’t last forever, I’m sorry, girl
It’s not that I don’t wanna caress your face
I love sharing moments looking in your eyes
But I gotta go to sleep now and I need my space
(Chorus)
I can’t cuddle and hold you all night
This isn’t a matter of wrong or right
And it won’t help if I’m counting sheep
Cause I can’t hold you and still fall asleep
You can talk about your feelings
Or tell me all about your day
I’ll take you out to dinner
Or stay home and make you a filet
I’ll be there to listen when you’re down
You’re like my princess who doesn’t wear a crown
Make you laugh when you’re upset
Take you dancing in your red evening gown
(Chorus)
But I can’t cuddle you while I’m sleeping
I need to be separated while I’m dreaming
I’m seriously. There won’t be anymore.
Try to touch me again I’ll push you onto the floor.
(Bridge)
Is it too much to ask to have my own space at night?
I won’t ask you again. I’m ‘bout to be impolite.
I swear you’re clinging to me like a parasite!
You’re like a moth and I’m a 90 watt light!
You’re like a cuddle eating monster with a huge apetite
I bet you blog about cuddling on your website
You’re squeezing so hard I feel like Han Solo encased in carbonite
Like a vampire searching for a victim to bite
I’m about to explode just like dynamite
I may stab you with a pencil made of graphite
In the morning our bodies can reunite
Get away from me.
Get your grabby hands away from me
Don’t you dare press yourself against me
Tonight there’s no more cuddling
I can’t cuddle you when I’m asleep.
My body doesn’t work that way
To fall asleep I can’t be touching you
I’ll need you to move yourself away
As romantic as I wanna be this can’t happen
Sinatra’s on the radio crooning
Candles are lit and we feel the warmth
We can face each other or we can be spooning
But it can’t last forever, I’m sorry, girl
It’s not that I don’t wanna caress your face
I love sharing moments looking in your eyes
But I gotta go to sleep now and I need my space
(Chorus)
I can’t cuddle and hold you all night
This isn’t a matter of wrong or right
And it won’t help if I’m counting sheep
Cause I can’t hold you and still fall asleep
You can talk about your feelings
Or tell me all about your day
I’ll take you out to dinner
Or stay home and make you a filet
I’ll be there to listen when you’re down
You’re like my princess who doesn’t wear a crown
Make you laugh when you’re upset
Take you dancing in your red evening gown
(Chorus)
But I can’t cuddle you while I’m sleeping
I need to be separated while I’m dreaming
I’m seriously. There won’t be anymore.
Try to touch me again I’ll push you onto the floor.
(Bridge)
Is it too much to ask to have my own space at night?
I won’t ask you again. I’m ‘bout to be impolite.
I swear you’re clinging to me like a parasite!
You’re like a moth and I’m a 90 watt light!
You’re like a cuddle eating monster with a huge apetite
I bet you blog about cuddling on your website
You’re squeezing so hard I feel like Han Solo encased in carbonite
Like a vampire searching for a victim to bite
I’m about to explode just like dynamite
I may stab you with a pencil made of graphite
In the morning our bodies can reunite
Get away from me.
Get your grabby hands away from me
Don’t you dare press yourself against me
Tonight there’s no more cuddling
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Cursed Words - Song #16
Cursed Words by Rich Baker
Since the dawn of man when we learned to walk upright
Communication has separated us from the animals
Stringing together common sounds. A miracle of the human spirit.
Consonants and vowels allowing us to share our thoughts.
But some words are bad
Some words are just not polite
They should not be spoken
They feed into your evil appetite
It’s okay to say, ‘heck,’ ‘frik,’ and ‘gee whiz.’
They are acceptable in all situations
But changing certain letters in these words
Makes for verbal abominations
(chorus)
They are cursed words
Cursed words
The kind that should never be heard
Cursed words
Cursed words
It’s okay to talk about your shin
But don’t you even dare
Replace that ‘n’ with a ‘t’
Or I’ll give you the evil glare
You can pluck the duck in your truck
But no way can you put the ‘f’ in.
And adding mother in front of it
Will not happen in church. Amen
(Chorus)
That’s what makes them cursed words
Cursed words
Just like every other word, but worse
Cursed words
Cursed words
In centuries past man believed in magic
Certain word combinations would unlock the spells
Abbra cadabra, hocus pocus, and hallejulah
Some brought on heaven and others brought on hell
Don’t try to say country without the tree
Don’t get bigger with an ‘n.’
So many words we’re not allowed to use
I barely know where to freakin’ begin.
But isn’t it time to realize that they’re just what they are
No magic. No devils or angels. Nothing but sounds
We can say some, but not the others.
Does this make you mad these rules are still around?
(Bridge)
When I’m mad I say:
Awww gee, that’s a bunch of Heckfire.
I mean Cheese & Rice, you son of a gun.
Crap dang it! That’s bullcorn!
Oh heavens, you jerk.
I’m both peeved and ticked off
Thanks to that witchy woman
Aww nuts! That’s a bunch of fooey and poppycock
My fiddlesticks! That’s dadgum, bloody balderdash!
(Chorus)
Don’t you dare say those cursed words
Much more dirty than regular words
Don’t say ‘em around kids or on the radio
Those tiny unassuming cursed words
Those dadburn cursed words!
Since the dawn of man when we learned to walk upright
Communication has separated us from the animals
Stringing together common sounds. A miracle of the human spirit.
Consonants and vowels allowing us to share our thoughts.
But some words are bad
Some words are just not polite
They should not be spoken
They feed into your evil appetite
It’s okay to say, ‘heck,’ ‘frik,’ and ‘gee whiz.’
They are acceptable in all situations
But changing certain letters in these words
Makes for verbal abominations
(chorus)
They are cursed words
Cursed words
The kind that should never be heard
Cursed words
Cursed words
It’s okay to talk about your shin
But don’t you even dare
Replace that ‘n’ with a ‘t’
Or I’ll give you the evil glare
You can pluck the duck in your truck
But no way can you put the ‘f’ in.
And adding mother in front of it
Will not happen in church. Amen
(Chorus)
That’s what makes them cursed words
Cursed words
Just like every other word, but worse
Cursed words
Cursed words
In centuries past man believed in magic
Certain word combinations would unlock the spells
Abbra cadabra, hocus pocus, and hallejulah
Some brought on heaven and others brought on hell
Don’t try to say country without the tree
Don’t get bigger with an ‘n.’
So many words we’re not allowed to use
I barely know where to freakin’ begin.
But isn’t it time to realize that they’re just what they are
No magic. No devils or angels. Nothing but sounds
We can say some, but not the others.
Does this make you mad these rules are still around?
(Bridge)
When I’m mad I say:
Awww gee, that’s a bunch of Heckfire.
I mean Cheese & Rice, you son of a gun.
Crap dang it! That’s bullcorn!
Oh heavens, you jerk.
I’m both peeved and ticked off
Thanks to that witchy woman
Aww nuts! That’s a bunch of fooey and poppycock
My fiddlesticks! That’s dadgum, bloody balderdash!
(Chorus)
Don’t you dare say those cursed words
Much more dirty than regular words
Don’t say ‘em around kids or on the radio
Those tiny unassuming cursed words
Those dadburn cursed words!
Friday, January 15, 2010
I Don't Have to Rhyme - Song #15
I Don’t Have to Rhyme by Rich Baker
While writing my lyrics I spend much of my time
Searching for words with near or perfect rhyme
The thought occurred to me as I sat typing away
What if I didn’t rhyme at least just today?
Not all the great song writers use rhyme in all their songs.
It’s not like mathematics. No absolute rights or wrongs.
So, for just this once I’m going to attempt
To not rhyme and see how it all finishes
(Chorus)
I don’t have to use rhymes
Brother can you spare a nickel?
I don’t have to use a rhyme
It’s not like I’m committing a misdemeanor
My dog likes to eat his kibble and bits
I like my girls with contoured faces
When I was sixteen I drove a truck
I’d get a girl inside and all night we’d drive around
(Chorus)
I don’t have to rhyme when I write a verse
But when I get mad I yell and use expletives
I never have to use rhyme when I write
Vampires love to take a walk around the neighborhood
I’m an average-sized guy. My friend is bigger
His name is Jerome and he’s one crazy gentleman
My other friend Hiep always makes me think
He loves math. He’s definitely a smart individual
My girlfriend made me watch Lilo and Stitch
I like her a lot, but she can be a real immature person
When her and I communicate we try to be up front
But when she doesn’t talk to me I call her a silenty silent pants
(Chorus)
No, I don’t have to rhyme
Up a mountain I will maneuver
I don’t have to rhyme at all
It makes me feel good like a tingle on my soul
While writing my lyrics I spend much of my time
Searching for words with near or perfect rhyme
The thought occurred to me as I sat typing away
What if I didn’t rhyme at least just today?
Not all the great song writers use rhyme in all their songs.
It’s not like mathematics. No absolute rights or wrongs.
So, for just this once I’m going to attempt
To not rhyme and see how it all finishes
(Chorus)
I don’t have to use rhymes
Brother can you spare a nickel?
I don’t have to use a rhyme
It’s not like I’m committing a misdemeanor
My dog likes to eat his kibble and bits
I like my girls with contoured faces
When I was sixteen I drove a truck
I’d get a girl inside and all night we’d drive around
(Chorus)
I don’t have to rhyme when I write a verse
But when I get mad I yell and use expletives
I never have to use rhyme when I write
Vampires love to take a walk around the neighborhood
I’m an average-sized guy. My friend is bigger
His name is Jerome and he’s one crazy gentleman
My other friend Hiep always makes me think
He loves math. He’s definitely a smart individual
My girlfriend made me watch Lilo and Stitch
I like her a lot, but she can be a real immature person
When her and I communicate we try to be up front
But when she doesn’t talk to me I call her a silenty silent pants
(Chorus)
No, I don’t have to rhyme
Up a mountain I will maneuver
I don’t have to rhyme at all
It makes me feel good like a tingle on my soul
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Frozen Pizza - Song #14
Frozen Pizza by Rich Baker
Had a hard day
Back is tired
Feet are sore
I’m a bit wired
Bus is crowded
Sardines in a can
Weather’s cold
I’m a sad sad man
But one thing is good
Keeps a smile on my face
Waitin’ for me at home
When I’m done with the rat race…
(Chorus)
At home I got me a frozen pizza
Never any stress and it’s ready to greet ya
Spinach and mushroom it’s nice to meet ya
Gonna cook me up a frozen pizza
So many flavors
My favorite food item
It’s universal
Everybody likes ‘em
All you need is a pizza pan
Some Pam spray or butter
An oven and twenty minutes
Take it out and use your pizza cutter
(Chours)
Calling my name is a frozen pizza
Maybe I’ll invite over my friend Rita
We’ll sit-a on the couch-a and then eat-a
The deliciousness of my frozen pizza
(Bridge)
I could make one from scratch, but that’s too much work
The frozen ones are simple and taste so great
I could order one, but that costs money
Frozen pizza, you may be my soul mate
(Chorus)
Sitting in my freezer is a frozen pizza
Got veggies and cheese and different meats-a
I work hard and it’s my treats-a
I love to think about my frozen pizza
Had a hard day
Back is tired
Feet are sore
I’m a bit wired
Bus is crowded
Sardines in a can
Weather’s cold
I’m a sad sad man
But one thing is good
Keeps a smile on my face
Waitin’ for me at home
When I’m done with the rat race…
(Chorus)
At home I got me a frozen pizza
Never any stress and it’s ready to greet ya
Spinach and mushroom it’s nice to meet ya
Gonna cook me up a frozen pizza
So many flavors
My favorite food item
It’s universal
Everybody likes ‘em
All you need is a pizza pan
Some Pam spray or butter
An oven and twenty minutes
Take it out and use your pizza cutter
(Chours)
Calling my name is a frozen pizza
Maybe I’ll invite over my friend Rita
We’ll sit-a on the couch-a and then eat-a
The deliciousness of my frozen pizza
(Bridge)
I could make one from scratch, but that’s too much work
The frozen ones are simple and taste so great
I could order one, but that costs money
Frozen pizza, you may be my soul mate
(Chorus)
Sitting in my freezer is a frozen pizza
Got veggies and cheese and different meats-a
I work hard and it’s my treats-a
I love to think about my frozen pizza
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
The Butterfly Effect - Song #13
The Butterfly Effect by Rich Baker
When a small butterfly flew thru the sky
A small patch of air pushed away
It blew in a frog’s eye and then the eye got dry
Much to frog’s dismay
Distracted by this, the frog must’ve missed
The tasty fly going by
So it wasn’t eaten and just went on being
A regular foresty fly.
Just past a pond it landed on
An angry wolf’s jowl
The wolf shook its face to make the fly go away
The wolf then let out a growl
Another wolf to his right opened his eyes
He was asleep up til now
He was perturbed, b/c his snooze was disturbed
So he let out a howl
Hearing the wolf cry from up on the sky
An owl was flying past
The owl flew with ease over the trees
And she was moving quite fast
A mouse in the dirt afraid to get hurt
Tried to stay out of the light
So, it dug a hole bumped into a mole
And ran back into the night
As the mouse ran he began
To feel the warmth from ahead
There so inspired was a camp fire
A human was making a bed
The man had a sleeping bag
He would sleep under the stars
The mouse ran by. The man jumped high
And he jumped back in his car
Deciding not to camp there was the man
Driving to a hotel instead
He got a key then went to sleep
Comfy on a king bed
When he got that room the hotel now was full
No more rooms to be had
The hotel clerk who hated to work
Decided to take a nap
The front desk phone rang, but this didn’t change
The snoring employee
The guy calling the phone was starting to groan
He was calling to get something to eat.
With no answer at all to his phone call
The man didn’t know what to do
Not in a good mood just wanting food
His hunger grew and grew
The man was unfed, but he went to bed
Awoke the next day with an angry face
So hungry by now he could eat a cow
He went down to the donut place
He ordered a dozen straight from the oven
Ate them on the way to his meeting
He was happy to share with the people there
What a pleasant greeting
The meeting went well, everyone swell
All were getting a long
As it let out a lady had found
That she was humming a song
She hummed it all day and along the way
Another man heard her humming
The tune got stuck in his brain as he got on a plane
He noticed his fingers were drumming
He drummed with his feet and his hands on the seat
Keeping a nice rhythm
The girl next to him felt the rhythm
And she drummed a long with him
As the plane landed the girl handed
The man her business card
And she hand wrote a line, “call me anytime”
The held that in regard
The girl drove back to Fon Du Lac
Up in the state of Wisonsin
A week went by. She started to cry.
The man never called like she wanted.
Still wanting to sob she went to her job
Down at the local library
She was quite upset right at her desk
Eating on machino cherries.
Normally happy, now kind of sappy
The lady stared at the wall
For a long while she would not smile
Wanting to forget it all
A boy of just twelve went to ask for some help
Hoping to get some advice
He went up to the counter her crying got louder
She would look in his eyes
The boy walked away unsure what to say
So he walked out the library door
Stuck in a lurch, he’d done no research
He was information poor
So, now I hope you see the scope
Of all the crazy events
The boy could not get what he needed
To complete the homework assignment
As you can see, that boy was me
I hope my tale wasn’t too dreary
And all that is why someone as diligent as I
Couldn’t do my paper on Chaos Theory
When a small butterfly flew thru the sky
A small patch of air pushed away
It blew in a frog’s eye and then the eye got dry
Much to frog’s dismay
Distracted by this, the frog must’ve missed
The tasty fly going by
So it wasn’t eaten and just went on being
A regular foresty fly.
Just past a pond it landed on
An angry wolf’s jowl
The wolf shook its face to make the fly go away
The wolf then let out a growl
Another wolf to his right opened his eyes
He was asleep up til now
He was perturbed, b/c his snooze was disturbed
So he let out a howl
Hearing the wolf cry from up on the sky
An owl was flying past
The owl flew with ease over the trees
And she was moving quite fast
A mouse in the dirt afraid to get hurt
Tried to stay out of the light
So, it dug a hole bumped into a mole
And ran back into the night
As the mouse ran he began
To feel the warmth from ahead
There so inspired was a camp fire
A human was making a bed
The man had a sleeping bag
He would sleep under the stars
The mouse ran by. The man jumped high
And he jumped back in his car
Deciding not to camp there was the man
Driving to a hotel instead
He got a key then went to sleep
Comfy on a king bed
When he got that room the hotel now was full
No more rooms to be had
The hotel clerk who hated to work
Decided to take a nap
The front desk phone rang, but this didn’t change
The snoring employee
The guy calling the phone was starting to groan
He was calling to get something to eat.
With no answer at all to his phone call
The man didn’t know what to do
Not in a good mood just wanting food
His hunger grew and grew
The man was unfed, but he went to bed
Awoke the next day with an angry face
So hungry by now he could eat a cow
He went down to the donut place
He ordered a dozen straight from the oven
Ate them on the way to his meeting
He was happy to share with the people there
What a pleasant greeting
The meeting went well, everyone swell
All were getting a long
As it let out a lady had found
That she was humming a song
She hummed it all day and along the way
Another man heard her humming
The tune got stuck in his brain as he got on a plane
He noticed his fingers were drumming
He drummed with his feet and his hands on the seat
Keeping a nice rhythm
The girl next to him felt the rhythm
And she drummed a long with him
As the plane landed the girl handed
The man her business card
And she hand wrote a line, “call me anytime”
The held that in regard
The girl drove back to Fon Du Lac
Up in the state of Wisonsin
A week went by. She started to cry.
The man never called like she wanted.
Still wanting to sob she went to her job
Down at the local library
She was quite upset right at her desk
Eating on machino cherries.
Normally happy, now kind of sappy
The lady stared at the wall
For a long while she would not smile
Wanting to forget it all
A boy of just twelve went to ask for some help
Hoping to get some advice
He went up to the counter her crying got louder
She would look in his eyes
The boy walked away unsure what to say
So he walked out the library door
Stuck in a lurch, he’d done no research
He was information poor
So, now I hope you see the scope
Of all the crazy events
The boy could not get what he needed
To complete the homework assignment
As you can see, that boy was me
I hope my tale wasn’t too dreary
And all that is why someone as diligent as I
Couldn’t do my paper on Chaos Theory
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Blackman - Song #12
Blackman by Rich Baker (to the tune of Blackbird by The Beatles)*
(*Note* My goal with these songs are not to do parody songs. However, I feel this one is meaningful and works perfectly with a song I happen to love. There will probably be very few of these. This may be the only song I write that is a 'parody' song.)
Blackman walking down my street at night
I am so afraid he’s got a knife
And he’ll try
To rob me and to stab me which will end my life
Black man walked up to me at night
Take these wallet and watch and leave me be
Don’t take my life
Did you just break out of prison and now you are free?
Black man at night, Black man at night
Irrationally afraid just because I am white
That black man is fine. The black man’s fine.
I’m racist and weak and I know that’s not right
Black man walking down my street at night
Instead of looking down I’ll decide
To say, ‘Hi.’
We are still waiting for this racism to die
We should look at this world with some brand new eyes
We should all be better and that would be wise
(*Note* My goal with these songs are not to do parody songs. However, I feel this one is meaningful and works perfectly with a song I happen to love. There will probably be very few of these. This may be the only song I write that is a 'parody' song.)
Blackman walking down my street at night
I am so afraid he’s got a knife
And he’ll try
To rob me and to stab me which will end my life
Black man walked up to me at night
Take these wallet and watch and leave me be
Don’t take my life
Did you just break out of prison and now you are free?
Black man at night, Black man at night
Irrationally afraid just because I am white
That black man is fine. The black man’s fine.
I’m racist and weak and I know that’s not right
Black man walking down my street at night
Instead of looking down I’ll decide
To say, ‘Hi.’
We are still waiting for this racism to die
We should look at this world with some brand new eyes
We should all be better and that would be wise
You’re On The List (A Petty Man’s Anthem) - Song #11
You’re On The List (A Petty Man’s Anthem) by Rich Baker
Hey you, the guy who turned me down for a job
And you, the lady who didn’t hold the elevator door
Mr. Bartender who accidentally overcharged me once
And you the neighbor who’s dog craps on my lawn
You don’t wanna cross me.
I don’t seem like much right now.
I won’t get angry
Or say anything to you out loud
Instead I’ll just keep a tab
And remember it forever
All ties I have with you
I will sever
(Chorus)
You’re on the list
And that ain’t a good thing
You’re on the list
You should just pack up and move
You’re on the list
Better get down on your knees and beg
You’re on the list
You’ll never work in this town again
And one day when I become rich and powerful
I will not help you at all
I won’t cast you in any of my movies
I’ll never let you sleep in my home
I won’t pull over if you have a flat tire
No way I’ll be your phone a friend on a game show
If you’re choking, hope someone else knows the Heimlich
And I won’t let you borrow a pen either, because…
(Chorus)
You’re on the list
And that ain’t a good thing
You’re on the list
You should just pack up and move
You’re on the list
Better get down on your knees and beg
You’re on the list
You’ll never work in this town again
And one day when I’m real important
You can’t meet any of my famous friends
No special thank you’s at my Grammy acceptance speech
No favors, no second chances, I won’t bend
If you’re poor, I won’t give you a nickel
If you’re hurt I won’t come to your aid
If the zombie apocalypse happens and we’re the only two people left on earth I will not share with you my food rations that I’ve saved up knowing that the it was a matter of ‘when’ and not ‘if’ the zombies kill us all. You’re on your own.
(Chorus)
You’re on the list
And that ain’t a good thing
You’re on the list
You should just pack up and move
You’re on the list
Better get down on your knees and beg
You’re on the list
You’ll never work in this town again
(Bridge)
To the coffee shop girl who won’t flirt back
You’re on the list
The kid in 7th grade who stole my hacky sack
You’re on the list
The teacher who mispronounced my name and apologized. I know you’re not really sorry.
You’re on the list
To the guy who refused my facebook friend request just cause we’d never met
You’re on the list
To Oprah Winfrey, b/c I couldn’t get tickets to see her show
You’re on the list
To the makers of Weight Gainer, b/c I didn’t get buff after drinking two shakes
You’re on the list
To the mailman who lost a letter once and I got it a day late
You’re on the list
To every hot chick I didn’t have the guts to ask out. How dare you intimidate me.
You’re on the list
To the Pittsburgh Steelers for winning so many superbowls. Ever hear of sharing?
You’re on the list
To magicians for not telling me how their tricks are done. I’m so curios.
You’re on the list
To anyone who made fun of me for preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse
You’re on the list
To the makers of post-it notes for making them too small for me to fit my whole list on one
You’re on the list
To everyone who isn’t enjoying this song right now
You’re all on the damn list!
Hey you, the guy who turned me down for a job
And you, the lady who didn’t hold the elevator door
Mr. Bartender who accidentally overcharged me once
And you the neighbor who’s dog craps on my lawn
You don’t wanna cross me.
I don’t seem like much right now.
I won’t get angry
Or say anything to you out loud
Instead I’ll just keep a tab
And remember it forever
All ties I have with you
I will sever
(Chorus)
You’re on the list
And that ain’t a good thing
You’re on the list
You should just pack up and move
You’re on the list
Better get down on your knees and beg
You’re on the list
You’ll never work in this town again
And one day when I become rich and powerful
I will not help you at all
I won’t cast you in any of my movies
I’ll never let you sleep in my home
I won’t pull over if you have a flat tire
No way I’ll be your phone a friend on a game show
If you’re choking, hope someone else knows the Heimlich
And I won’t let you borrow a pen either, because…
(Chorus)
You’re on the list
And that ain’t a good thing
You’re on the list
You should just pack up and move
You’re on the list
Better get down on your knees and beg
You’re on the list
You’ll never work in this town again
And one day when I’m real important
You can’t meet any of my famous friends
No special thank you’s at my Grammy acceptance speech
No favors, no second chances, I won’t bend
If you’re poor, I won’t give you a nickel
If you’re hurt I won’t come to your aid
If the zombie apocalypse happens and we’re the only two people left on earth I will not share with you my food rations that I’ve saved up knowing that the it was a matter of ‘when’ and not ‘if’ the zombies kill us all. You’re on your own.
(Chorus)
You’re on the list
And that ain’t a good thing
You’re on the list
You should just pack up and move
You’re on the list
Better get down on your knees and beg
You’re on the list
You’ll never work in this town again
(Bridge)
To the coffee shop girl who won’t flirt back
You’re on the list
The kid in 7th grade who stole my hacky sack
You’re on the list
The teacher who mispronounced my name and apologized. I know you’re not really sorry.
You’re on the list
To the guy who refused my facebook friend request just cause we’d never met
You’re on the list
To Oprah Winfrey, b/c I couldn’t get tickets to see her show
You’re on the list
To the makers of Weight Gainer, b/c I didn’t get buff after drinking two shakes
You’re on the list
To the mailman who lost a letter once and I got it a day late
You’re on the list
To every hot chick I didn’t have the guts to ask out. How dare you intimidate me.
You’re on the list
To the Pittsburgh Steelers for winning so many superbowls. Ever hear of sharing?
You’re on the list
To magicians for not telling me how their tricks are done. I’m so curios.
You’re on the list
To anyone who made fun of me for preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse
You’re on the list
To the makers of post-it notes for making them too small for me to fit my whole list on one
You’re on the list
To everyone who isn’t enjoying this song right now
You’re all on the damn list!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
I Guess This Song Makes Me A Dirty Hippie - Song #10
I Guess This Song Makes Me A Dirty Hippie by Rich Baker
I’m not a big fan of capitalism
With some of my friends this causes a schism
I think the system’s busted and needs a fix
And that’s why friends hate to discuss politics
I’ve got the unpopular view
The one held by the few
And many will probably be surprised
That I think drugs should be legalized
(Chorus)
I guess this song makes me a dirty hippie
I must hang out in record stores and quote Kerouac
It means I dance in the woods and write bad poetry
I simply must be all of this if I say these things. It’s just a fact.
Sex is legal but only if it’s for free
Or in a few Nevada counties
Porn is legal too and the actors get paid
So you better have a camera if you’re paying to get laid
Why do some think America is always right?
Those who don’t wear uniforms want others to go and fight
In the 1940s we gave Israel some land
And the Arabs were a bit mad. Can you believe the nerve of them?
(Chorus)
I guess this song makes me a dirty hippie
I must sleep on the ground and listen to Phish
It has to mean I smoke pot and don’t bathe
There are no two ways about it. That is it.
Drugs could be taxed and help the country out of debt
But the thought still makes too many upset
Marijuana doesn’t cause us to kill, rape, and steal.
Do people still believe “Refer Madness” was for real?
(Bridge 1)
I Guess These Thoughts Make me a dirty hippy
Because I don’t support the wars
Because I believe you should have rights even if you’re a whore
Because our basic freedoms are all ignored
Because lives are destroyed on the trading room floor
Because you’re a lesser citizen if you happen to be poor
Because there are so many things I think are not okay
But at least we can sleep knowing you can’t get married if you’re gay
(Chorus)
I guess this song makes me a dirty hippie
I must own tie-die shirts and dread lock hair
It has to mean I don’t listen to other points of view
It’s completely black and white. No grey area
I’m not blaming anyone individually
For all the problems and instability
Every one of us have said, “Let them eat cake.”
It’s not just one act, but a culmination of mistakes
Just keep quiet don’t say a word
Pretend no injustices have ever occurred
You can’t speak out. Just play along.
Hell, I’m even hesitant to post the lyrics to this song
(Chorus)
I guess this song makes me a dirty hippie
I must always to go concerts and never pay rent
It has to mean I don’t tip at restaurants
Must be one way or another. How convenient
(Bridge 2)
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate you if we don’t agree
I won’t make fun or threaten or push my views on anybody
It’s okay to get your thoughts out. Go and speak your mind.
We shouldn't hate each other over it. We’re all just mankind
I don’t want love rallies and constant hugging in the streets
How ‘bout just getting everyone shelter and something to eat?
Am I guilty for not doing enuff on my part?
Hell yes, b/c lifting a finger for others is way too hard.
I guess this song makes me a dirty hippie.
I guess it really does…
So…Peace, man.
I’m not a big fan of capitalism
With some of my friends this causes a schism
I think the system’s busted and needs a fix
And that’s why friends hate to discuss politics
I’ve got the unpopular view
The one held by the few
And many will probably be surprised
That I think drugs should be legalized
(Chorus)
I guess this song makes me a dirty hippie
I must hang out in record stores and quote Kerouac
It means I dance in the woods and write bad poetry
I simply must be all of this if I say these things. It’s just a fact.
Sex is legal but only if it’s for free
Or in a few Nevada counties
Porn is legal too and the actors get paid
So you better have a camera if you’re paying to get laid
Why do some think America is always right?
Those who don’t wear uniforms want others to go and fight
In the 1940s we gave Israel some land
And the Arabs were a bit mad. Can you believe the nerve of them?
(Chorus)
I guess this song makes me a dirty hippie
I must sleep on the ground and listen to Phish
It has to mean I smoke pot and don’t bathe
There are no two ways about it. That is it.
Drugs could be taxed and help the country out of debt
But the thought still makes too many upset
Marijuana doesn’t cause us to kill, rape, and steal.
Do people still believe “Refer Madness” was for real?
(Bridge 1)
I Guess These Thoughts Make me a dirty hippy
Because I don’t support the wars
Because I believe you should have rights even if you’re a whore
Because our basic freedoms are all ignored
Because lives are destroyed on the trading room floor
Because you’re a lesser citizen if you happen to be poor
Because there are so many things I think are not okay
But at least we can sleep knowing you can’t get married if you’re gay
(Chorus)
I guess this song makes me a dirty hippie
I must own tie-die shirts and dread lock hair
It has to mean I don’t listen to other points of view
It’s completely black and white. No grey area
I’m not blaming anyone individually
For all the problems and instability
Every one of us have said, “Let them eat cake.”
It’s not just one act, but a culmination of mistakes
Just keep quiet don’t say a word
Pretend no injustices have ever occurred
You can’t speak out. Just play along.
Hell, I’m even hesitant to post the lyrics to this song
(Chorus)
I guess this song makes me a dirty hippie
I must always to go concerts and never pay rent
It has to mean I don’t tip at restaurants
Must be one way or another. How convenient
(Bridge 2)
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate you if we don’t agree
I won’t make fun or threaten or push my views on anybody
It’s okay to get your thoughts out. Go and speak your mind.
We shouldn't hate each other over it. We’re all just mankind
I don’t want love rallies and constant hugging in the streets
How ‘bout just getting everyone shelter and something to eat?
Am I guilty for not doing enuff on my part?
Hell yes, b/c lifting a finger for others is way too hard.
I guess this song makes me a dirty hippie.
I guess it really does…
So…Peace, man.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Christmas Cruise - Song #9
Christmas Cruise by Rich Baker
It’s holiday time full of cheer
When angels and miracles appear
Families gather by lighted trees
Children get gifts saying thank you and please
Fireplaces warm you and everyone’s home
Drinking egg nog and reading a Christmas poem
Singing songs and watching It’s a Wonderful Life
Children, grandparents, husband and wife
But we’re not there, because…
While you’re at home
Surrounded by cold wind and snow
We’ll be in shorts drinking lots of booze
Because this year we decided to take a Christmas Caribbean Cruise
It’s Christmas
Don’t you miss us?
We’re not there at all.
It’s snowing
We’re not showing
And we’re not even going to call
There won’t be ornaments hanging on our tree
Instead we are boating out to sea
No family arguments or shopping mall crowds
Just a fun cruise director who shouts very loud “Get up to deck 3 for LIMBO!”
It’s Christmas
Don’t be suspicious
We’re actually having fun
The kids are screaming
And we’re day dreaming
As we tan underneath the sun
We may miss a few things
like presents and mistletoe
But we’re living like kings as the boat is flowing
Down to Jamaica and Kokomo.
It’s Christmas
Oh how delicious
Smoked salmon and whiskey sours
Sun is shining
We’re reclining
As we relax away the hours
Why didn’t we ever do this before?
Christmas was always such a chore.
So cold stressful not at all restful
It’s way better off Shore
What have we got to lose?
Can’t wait to spread the news
It’s our right to choose
We’re here with a bunch of Jews.
A Christmas Caribbean Cruise!
It’s holiday time full of cheer
When angels and miracles appear
Families gather by lighted trees
Children get gifts saying thank you and please
Fireplaces warm you and everyone’s home
Drinking egg nog and reading a Christmas poem
Singing songs and watching It’s a Wonderful Life
Children, grandparents, husband and wife
But we’re not there, because…
While you’re at home
Surrounded by cold wind and snow
We’ll be in shorts drinking lots of booze
Because this year we decided to take a Christmas Caribbean Cruise
It’s Christmas
Don’t you miss us?
We’re not there at all.
It’s snowing
We’re not showing
And we’re not even going to call
There won’t be ornaments hanging on our tree
Instead we are boating out to sea
No family arguments or shopping mall crowds
Just a fun cruise director who shouts very loud “Get up to deck 3 for LIMBO!”
It’s Christmas
Don’t be suspicious
We’re actually having fun
The kids are screaming
And we’re day dreaming
As we tan underneath the sun
We may miss a few things
like presents and mistletoe
But we’re living like kings as the boat is flowing
Down to Jamaica and Kokomo.
It’s Christmas
Oh how delicious
Smoked salmon and whiskey sours
Sun is shining
We’re reclining
As we relax away the hours
Why didn’t we ever do this before?
Christmas was always such a chore.
So cold stressful not at all restful
It’s way better off Shore
What have we got to lose?
Can’t wait to spread the news
It’s our right to choose
We’re here with a bunch of Jews.
A Christmas Caribbean Cruise!
Why Would You Leave me? - Song #8
Why Would You Leave Me? by Rich Baker (Slow Love Ballad)
It’s been two weeks now
I know you’re not coming back
I think of you all the time
My heart’s out of whack
I can’t look at a room in the house
Without seeing your face
I miss you so much
Please come back to this place.
(Chorus)
Why did you leave me?
Was it something I said?
Why did you leave me?
I can’t get you out of my head
I’m still in love but you’re clearly not
What did I do wrong?
Heartache is all that I got.
Do you remember your birthday?
Wasn’t that a surprise?
I bought you a brazilian wax
for your firestarting thighs
We went to dinner
and I’ll never forget
The look on your face when
I tried to skip on the check
We had some good times.
So many ya know?
That day last winter
When I pushed you into the snow
And held you down in it
Pushing snow in your pants
Man that was good.
Don’t you remember my laughs?
I can’t forget all your beauty
Do you remember the time?
I took naughty photos of you
And then put them online?
Or last thanksgiving
At your family’s home
Everyone was smiling
And I made out with your mom
(Chorus)
Why did you leave me?
Was it something I said?
Why did you leave me?
Right now I wish I was dead
I still remember the love and the fun.
For me it’s not over
But clearly you’re done.
(Bridge)
Sure I’m not perfect
I’m just a man
Like when I threw your cat
In the outside garbage can
I know I’m not the best looking
But I’m always good for a smile
Like when I jumped back in the car and sped away
And you had to walk home ten miles.
(Chorus)
Why did you leave me?
Can I go back in time?
Why did you leave me?
Is being a joker a crime?
I can’t seem to stop thinking of us
Can I plead my case to you?
Can we discuss?
Why did you leave me?
Why did you leave me?
It’s been two weeks now
I know you’re not coming back
I think of you all the time
My heart’s out of whack
I can’t look at a room in the house
Without seeing your face
I miss you so much
Please come back to this place.
(Chorus)
Why did you leave me?
Was it something I said?
Why did you leave me?
I can’t get you out of my head
I’m still in love but you’re clearly not
What did I do wrong?
Heartache is all that I got.
Do you remember your birthday?
Wasn’t that a surprise?
I bought you a brazilian wax
for your firestarting thighs
We went to dinner
and I’ll never forget
The look on your face when
I tried to skip on the check
We had some good times.
So many ya know?
That day last winter
When I pushed you into the snow
And held you down in it
Pushing snow in your pants
Man that was good.
Don’t you remember my laughs?
I can’t forget all your beauty
Do you remember the time?
I took naughty photos of you
And then put them online?
Or last thanksgiving
At your family’s home
Everyone was smiling
And I made out with your mom
(Chorus)
Why did you leave me?
Was it something I said?
Why did you leave me?
Right now I wish I was dead
I still remember the love and the fun.
For me it’s not over
But clearly you’re done.
(Bridge)
Sure I’m not perfect
I’m just a man
Like when I threw your cat
In the outside garbage can
I know I’m not the best looking
But I’m always good for a smile
Like when I jumped back in the car and sped away
And you had to walk home ten miles.
(Chorus)
Why did you leave me?
Can I go back in time?
Why did you leave me?
Is being a joker a crime?
I can’t seem to stop thinking of us
Can I plead my case to you?
Can we discuss?
Why did you leave me?
Why did you leave me?
Friday, January 8, 2010
Geek Sheik - Song #7
Geek Sheik by Rich Baker (Rap)
I am Geek Sheik. King of the Nerds
Here’s my theseauras where I come up with words
Wanna know about me? Can you handle it?
Sit back and hear the rhymes that I spit!
I gotta solid gold Xbox with spinner rims
A diorama of the Secret of NIMH
The original screenplay from Episode IV
I collect more rings than the Green Lantern Corps
All the chicks line up in Wonder Woman tights
With my infared telescope I’ve got you in my sights
Girl, you very fine with your Lois Lane looks
Wanna make love to you on a bed of comic books
(Chorus)
I’m Geek Sheik livin’ large
Like Scott Baio on Charles in Charge
I’m Geek Sheik you better know what’s what
I’m livin’ phat like Jaba the Hut
I’ll take you to magical places like when Dorothy was dreamin’
Get with me and your emoticons will be screamin’
I’ll please you girl and you’ll like it a lots
Brace yourself for 1.21 Gigawatts!
I’m so good I can explain the full plot to Lost. It’s so hectic
Without a calculator I can convert standard to metric
I’m the chessmaster commanding the pawns
Want to hear a sonnet translated into Klingon?
I tear up the dance floor like Napoleon Dynamite
I quote old kitch films like Rad and Dolemite
I collect toys from old Happy Meals
I’m awkward at street slang fo’ reelz!
C’mon girl, it’s time to get naughty
I got all the cheat codes to your body
Get with me, baby and I’ll rock your world
It’d be almost as good as a five way with all four Golden Girls
I get down in between your thighs
Let me dock my starshsip enterprise
I’ll have you screamin’ for more, more, more, mordor…and the eye of saramon
You’ll be my Prescious!
I don’t go to dance clubs or hang out in bars
If I wanna leave the house I borrow my mom’s car
Ain’t no part time fanboy I’m king don’t you see?
All bow down I am the final fantasy!
(Chorus)
I’m Geek Sheik like Bill Gates
Girl you’re like a verb I wanna conjugate
I’m Geek Sheik like Steve Jobs
In the realm of nerds I’m the head of the mob
(Bridge)
I write computer code for my salary
My best friend online is from Calgary
My kryptonite is my allergies
Farmer’s Lung is the name of a real malady
Love songs are usually ballady
Wouldn’t mind hookin’ up with a Valkyrie
The Microsoft Paperclip is a pal to me
All the other nerds in the world shall bow to me
(Chorus)
I’m Geek Sheik and everybody knows
My BluRay Player has every MST3K show
I’m Geek Sheik yeah that’s me
I haven’t seen the sun in three weeks
I’m Geek Sheik
I’m Geek Sheik
Geek Sheik!
I am Geek Sheik. King of the Nerds
Here’s my theseauras where I come up with words
Wanna know about me? Can you handle it?
Sit back and hear the rhymes that I spit!
I gotta solid gold Xbox with spinner rims
A diorama of the Secret of NIMH
The original screenplay from Episode IV
I collect more rings than the Green Lantern Corps
All the chicks line up in Wonder Woman tights
With my infared telescope I’ve got you in my sights
Girl, you very fine with your Lois Lane looks
Wanna make love to you on a bed of comic books
(Chorus)
I’m Geek Sheik livin’ large
Like Scott Baio on Charles in Charge
I’m Geek Sheik you better know what’s what
I’m livin’ phat like Jaba the Hut
I’ll take you to magical places like when Dorothy was dreamin’
Get with me and your emoticons will be screamin’
I’ll please you girl and you’ll like it a lots
Brace yourself for 1.21 Gigawatts!
I’m so good I can explain the full plot to Lost. It’s so hectic
Without a calculator I can convert standard to metric
I’m the chessmaster commanding the pawns
Want to hear a sonnet translated into Klingon?
I tear up the dance floor like Napoleon Dynamite
I quote old kitch films like Rad and Dolemite
I collect toys from old Happy Meals
I’m awkward at street slang fo’ reelz!
C’mon girl, it’s time to get naughty
I got all the cheat codes to your body
Get with me, baby and I’ll rock your world
It’d be almost as good as a five way with all four Golden Girls
I get down in between your thighs
Let me dock my starshsip enterprise
I’ll have you screamin’ for more, more, more, mordor…and the eye of saramon
You’ll be my Prescious!
I don’t go to dance clubs or hang out in bars
If I wanna leave the house I borrow my mom’s car
Ain’t no part time fanboy I’m king don’t you see?
All bow down I am the final fantasy!
(Chorus)
I’m Geek Sheik like Bill Gates
Girl you’re like a verb I wanna conjugate
I’m Geek Sheik like Steve Jobs
In the realm of nerds I’m the head of the mob
(Bridge)
I write computer code for my salary
My best friend online is from Calgary
My kryptonite is my allergies
Farmer’s Lung is the name of a real malady
Love songs are usually ballady
Wouldn’t mind hookin’ up with a Valkyrie
The Microsoft Paperclip is a pal to me
All the other nerds in the world shall bow to me
(Chorus)
I’m Geek Sheik and everybody knows
My BluRay Player has every MST3K show
I’m Geek Sheik yeah that’s me
I haven’t seen the sun in three weeks
I’m Geek Sheik
I’m Geek Sheik
Geek Sheik!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Marian the Unitarian - Song #6
Marian the Unitarian by Rich Baker
This is the tale of Marian the Unitarian
(Verse)
Marian was born in the middle of Nebraska
Travled all the country from Miami to Alaska
Then she went abroad from Austrailia to Japan
She met up with Brazilians, Taiwanese, and Scandinavians
(Verse)
She learned different cultures. Ate different foods.
Befriended all kinds of people and mostly they were good.
When she came back to her home in the states
And settled into life where she could acclimate.
(Verse)
She thought about religion and what it all meant
There was a Baptist church, and Presbyterian, and even a convent
This decision she believed was quite an important one
She’d seen so many different ways of life. How to settle for just one?
(Verse)
Every week she went out to a different house of prayer
A spiritual sampler she was for almost a full year
And there were many great things she found about each of them
Like inner peace, karma, and transubstantiation.
(Verse)
Not ever wanting to make a choice for fear she would be wrong
She went to a place where everything was okay. Everyone got a long.
There were no fights, no tiffs, no hundred year old schism
It was a place called Unitarian Universalism
(Chorus)
And she became Marian the Unitarian
She was a model of the good Samaritan
Marian the Unitarian
She joined the church council as the parliamentarian.
(Bridge)
Everyone loved Marian in her neighborhood
When people sought advice on who was right she’d say, ‘it’s all good.’
Where do eat tonight? At the burger joint? Pizza? Chinese?
Marian smiled and said, “Let’s combine all three!”
No one is wrong. Everyone is right.
If we all were Marian. The wars would stop tonight.
No specific dogma that you need to know
Everything’s correct. Just go with the flow.
(Chorus)
She’s Marian the Unitarian.
She got a job as a librarian.
No meat for a vegetarian.
Her grandfather’s an octogenarian
Mother Theresa was a humanitarian
Baby making is ovarian
(Verse)
She believes in the inherent worth and dignity of every person
The only word I thought to rhyme with this is Gena Gershon
But she’s pretty hot so I’m okay with this
And Marian would never judge me for rhyming this with this
(Chorus)
She’s Marian the Unitarian
I bet she’s not popular in Iran
She’s Marian the Unitarian
Quite the opposite of a sectarian
She’s Marian the humanitarian, vegetarian, humanitarian, Unitarian.
This is the tale of Marian the Unitarian
(Verse)
Marian was born in the middle of Nebraska
Travled all the country from Miami to Alaska
Then she went abroad from Austrailia to Japan
She met up with Brazilians, Taiwanese, and Scandinavians
(Verse)
She learned different cultures. Ate different foods.
Befriended all kinds of people and mostly they were good.
When she came back to her home in the states
And settled into life where she could acclimate.
(Verse)
She thought about religion and what it all meant
There was a Baptist church, and Presbyterian, and even a convent
This decision she believed was quite an important one
She’d seen so many different ways of life. How to settle for just one?
(Verse)
Every week she went out to a different house of prayer
A spiritual sampler she was for almost a full year
And there were many great things she found about each of them
Like inner peace, karma, and transubstantiation.
(Verse)
Not ever wanting to make a choice for fear she would be wrong
She went to a place where everything was okay. Everyone got a long.
There were no fights, no tiffs, no hundred year old schism
It was a place called Unitarian Universalism
(Chorus)
And she became Marian the Unitarian
She was a model of the good Samaritan
Marian the Unitarian
She joined the church council as the parliamentarian.
(Bridge)
Everyone loved Marian in her neighborhood
When people sought advice on who was right she’d say, ‘it’s all good.’
Where do eat tonight? At the burger joint? Pizza? Chinese?
Marian smiled and said, “Let’s combine all three!”
No one is wrong. Everyone is right.
If we all were Marian. The wars would stop tonight.
No specific dogma that you need to know
Everything’s correct. Just go with the flow.
(Chorus)
She’s Marian the Unitarian.
She got a job as a librarian.
No meat for a vegetarian.
Her grandfather’s an octogenarian
Mother Theresa was a humanitarian
Baby making is ovarian
(Verse)
She believes in the inherent worth and dignity of every person
The only word I thought to rhyme with this is Gena Gershon
But she’s pretty hot so I’m okay with this
And Marian would never judge me for rhyming this with this
(Chorus)
She’s Marian the Unitarian
I bet she’s not popular in Iran
She’s Marian the Unitarian
Quite the opposite of a sectarian
She’s Marian the humanitarian, vegetarian, humanitarian, Unitarian.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
"No Thanks" - Song #5
No Thanks by Rich Baker
(Spoken)
At a late night bar amidst the crowd
You came over and sat down
Brushed your hand on top of mine
And whispered, “Come to my place and I’ll show you a good time.”
(Verse)
It’s been a while since someone’s ever come up
And offered a string-free hook up
I’m flattered and I hope you understand
Normally I’m definitely that kinda man
But in this particular case I simply must say
If you were the best I could get, I would just turn gay
(Chorus)
No Thanks
Not tonight
It just doest feel right.
I’m not trying to be a jerk.
But your face and your body need a whole lotta work.
(Verse)
I’m not against dating older chicks
In fact they can be kinda hot
Some kinda be quite sexy
And then again some are not
You’re forward and very confident
That’s all just great
But I know I’d have
More fun if I masturbate
(Chorus)
No Thanks
Not right now
I think you’re descended from a cow
I don’t wish to harp on this fact
If I were shooting a zombie movie I’d hire you to act
(Bridge)
Rarely does any girl come up to me
On a scale of one to five I’m right at a three
Average. Not ugly. But I won’t turn any heads
So, often I’m not picky and I take what I get
Like a catfish who eats from the gross ocean floor
I shoot for the stars and sometimes even more
But I settle for what will be willing for me
Even a blind man has standards. So, I’m so sorry…but
(Chorus)
No Thanks
And good luck
I hope you find someone willing to…talk to you
No Thanks
You’re not my type
You’re like a piece of fruit that’s way over ripe
No Thanks
Am I who
Seems like a guy who would be with the likes of you?
Not a chance
In all of hell
You’d have to put me under a magic spell.
(Verse)
I know I sound like a pompass, selfish ass
And normally I’m understanding and let things pass
But in your case my only solution
Is to write you off as failed Darwinian Evolution
No Thanks!
(Spoken)
At a late night bar amidst the crowd
You came over and sat down
Brushed your hand on top of mine
And whispered, “Come to my place and I’ll show you a good time.”
(Verse)
It’s been a while since someone’s ever come up
And offered a string-free hook up
I’m flattered and I hope you understand
Normally I’m definitely that kinda man
But in this particular case I simply must say
If you were the best I could get, I would just turn gay
(Chorus)
No Thanks
Not tonight
It just doest feel right.
I’m not trying to be a jerk.
But your face and your body need a whole lotta work.
(Verse)
I’m not against dating older chicks
In fact they can be kinda hot
Some kinda be quite sexy
And then again some are not
You’re forward and very confident
That’s all just great
But I know I’d have
More fun if I masturbate
(Chorus)
No Thanks
Not right now
I think you’re descended from a cow
I don’t wish to harp on this fact
If I were shooting a zombie movie I’d hire you to act
(Bridge)
Rarely does any girl come up to me
On a scale of one to five I’m right at a three
Average. Not ugly. But I won’t turn any heads
So, often I’m not picky and I take what I get
Like a catfish who eats from the gross ocean floor
I shoot for the stars and sometimes even more
But I settle for what will be willing for me
Even a blind man has standards. So, I’m so sorry…but
(Chorus)
No Thanks
And good luck
I hope you find someone willing to…talk to you
No Thanks
You’re not my type
You’re like a piece of fruit that’s way over ripe
No Thanks
Am I who
Seems like a guy who would be with the likes of you?
Not a chance
In all of hell
You’d have to put me under a magic spell.
(Verse)
I know I sound like a pompass, selfish ass
And normally I’m understanding and let things pass
But in your case my only solution
Is to write you off as failed Darwinian Evolution
No Thanks!
Why You Haven't Called - Song #4
Why You Haven’t Called by Rich Baker
It’s been almost a week now since our first date.
I’ve thought about you since then every day
And I waited to call you so it wasn’t right away
But that was five days now and I’m starting the think
(Chorus)
You haven’t called me.
What’s the deal?
Did I offend you when we ate our meal?
You haven’t called me.
What went wrong?
I’ve got a few ideas and put them into song.
That night after dinner you went back to your home
And got a late night call on your cell phone
Your mother called to tell you your uncle had died
You never met him but he left behind
A fortune in gold. And now it’s all yours
This caused you to gasp as you fell on the floor
Your heart started racing and pounding to quickly
Blood flow inside you made you all sickly
The anurism finally burst in your brain
Then from your mouth blood started to rain
You fell to the floor with loud sounding CRACK
And that’s why you haven’t called me back.
I hope that I’m wrong and that you’re just fine
The last time I saw you drinking your wine
Things were so good and I want you to know
That I think there’s a future for us. Oh oh oh.
(Chours)
You haven’t called me.
Why oh why?
Are you weirded out by my lazy eye?
You haven’t called me.
What the hell?
That could not have been our final farewell…unless…
Unless after we parted that night in the cold
You were approached by a demon of old
He put you into a hypnotic trance
And brought you back to the vernal equinox dance
Tied you down to big freaking stone
While goblins and monsters licked at your bones
You were the ultimate sacrifice
What a shame you were so pretty and nice
Now your soul’s trapped in an unearthly realm
Burning and searing with Satan at the helm
Your body is gone for all of eternity
And that’s why you haven’t called me.
Bridge
I’m starting to cry over all of this stuff
What if you’re in the back of some mafia guy’s trunk?
Or an amnesiac who can’t remember her name?
All of these thoughts are driving me insane.
It has to be something preventing you from
Getting to your phone and dialing me up
I’m a great guy with so much to give
So the only thing I can think is that you no longer live.
This happens to me quite a lot.
After the first date I never hear squat.
So much senseless violence and obscurity.
This is terrible luck and it happens to me.
(Chorus)
You haven’t called me.
This is dumb
I’m nice and not fat and I think I’m fun.
You haven’t called me.
It’s your loss.
When it comes to great guys I’m the boss.
You haven’t called me.
I’m a great man.
Therefore you must be a lesbian.
It’s been almost a week now since our first date.
I’ve thought about you since then every day
And I waited to call you so it wasn’t right away
But that was five days now and I’m starting the think
(Chorus)
You haven’t called me.
What’s the deal?
Did I offend you when we ate our meal?
You haven’t called me.
What went wrong?
I’ve got a few ideas and put them into song.
That night after dinner you went back to your home
And got a late night call on your cell phone
Your mother called to tell you your uncle had died
You never met him but he left behind
A fortune in gold. And now it’s all yours
This caused you to gasp as you fell on the floor
Your heart started racing and pounding to quickly
Blood flow inside you made you all sickly
The anurism finally burst in your brain
Then from your mouth blood started to rain
You fell to the floor with loud sounding CRACK
And that’s why you haven’t called me back.
I hope that I’m wrong and that you’re just fine
The last time I saw you drinking your wine
Things were so good and I want you to know
That I think there’s a future for us. Oh oh oh.
(Chours)
You haven’t called me.
Why oh why?
Are you weirded out by my lazy eye?
You haven’t called me.
What the hell?
That could not have been our final farewell…unless…
Unless after we parted that night in the cold
You were approached by a demon of old
He put you into a hypnotic trance
And brought you back to the vernal equinox dance
Tied you down to big freaking stone
While goblins and monsters licked at your bones
You were the ultimate sacrifice
What a shame you were so pretty and nice
Now your soul’s trapped in an unearthly realm
Burning and searing with Satan at the helm
Your body is gone for all of eternity
And that’s why you haven’t called me.
Bridge
I’m starting to cry over all of this stuff
What if you’re in the back of some mafia guy’s trunk?
Or an amnesiac who can’t remember her name?
All of these thoughts are driving me insane.
It has to be something preventing you from
Getting to your phone and dialing me up
I’m a great guy with so much to give
So the only thing I can think is that you no longer live.
This happens to me quite a lot.
After the first date I never hear squat.
So much senseless violence and obscurity.
This is terrible luck and it happens to me.
(Chorus)
You haven’t called me.
This is dumb
I’m nice and not fat and I think I’m fun.
You haven’t called me.
It’s your loss.
When it comes to great guys I’m the boss.
You haven’t called me.
I’m a great man.
Therefore you must be a lesbian.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Playing Kickball Song #3 on Day #3
Playing Kickball by Rich Baker (Think heavy metal-esque)
(Verse)
Walk up to the field with fire in my eyes
There’s about to be fear underneath the skies
My feet are restless. My reactions quick.
Cross me now and I’ll make you go home sick.
(Chorus)
We’re playing KICK BALL!
We’re playing KICKBALL!
It’s like BASEBALL!
But it’s KICKBALL!
(Verse)
Roll that rubber ball down to me
I’m gonna kick it to the next county
Put in all you got to your fancy pitch
I’ll kick it over your head. Make you my bitch.
(Chorus)
PLAYING KICKBALL!
Uses the same ball as DODGEBALL!
You don’t have to be in shape at ALL!
Cause it’s KICKBALL!
(Verse)
I see you running thru the bases trying to make it home
But I got you in my sights. Buckle up. Let’s go.
Perfectly legal to hit you in the back
I’ll launch so hard give you a heart attack
(Bridge)
I’m I kickball player
Listening to Slayer
You should elect me mayor
Of the kickball players
Some say I get crazy
And too competitive
I respond with to lose is to die
AND TO WIN IS TO LIVE!
(Chorus)
PLAYING KICKBALL!
We’ll play IN THE FALL!
Half my team is smoking MENTHOLS!
The outfielder’s on a PHONE CALL!
The pitcher’s daughter’s playing WITH A DOLL!
Have you ever been to NEPAL!?!
I have a friend named JASON SCHALL!
My hands are KINDA SMALL!
I once slept in a HORSE STALL
Chinese toys had a RECALL
My head hurts. I'll take a TYLENOL!
Playing KICKBALL!
(Verse)
Walk up to the field with fire in my eyes
There’s about to be fear underneath the skies
My feet are restless. My reactions quick.
Cross me now and I’ll make you go home sick.
(Chorus)
We’re playing KICK BALL!
We’re playing KICKBALL!
It’s like BASEBALL!
But it’s KICKBALL!
(Verse)
Roll that rubber ball down to me
I’m gonna kick it to the next county
Put in all you got to your fancy pitch
I’ll kick it over your head. Make you my bitch.
(Chorus)
PLAYING KICKBALL!
Uses the same ball as DODGEBALL!
You don’t have to be in shape at ALL!
Cause it’s KICKBALL!
(Verse)
I see you running thru the bases trying to make it home
But I got you in my sights. Buckle up. Let’s go.
Perfectly legal to hit you in the back
I’ll launch so hard give you a heart attack
(Bridge)
I’m I kickball player
Listening to Slayer
You should elect me mayor
Of the kickball players
Some say I get crazy
And too competitive
I respond with to lose is to die
AND TO WIN IS TO LIVE!
(Chorus)
PLAYING KICKBALL!
We’ll play IN THE FALL!
Half my team is smoking MENTHOLS!
The outfielder’s on a PHONE CALL!
The pitcher’s daughter’s playing WITH A DOLL!
Have you ever been to NEPAL!?!
I have a friend named JASON SCHALL!
My hands are KINDA SMALL!
I once slept in a HORSE STALL
Chinese toys had a RECALL
My head hurts. I'll take a TYLENOL!
Playing KICKBALL!
You’re Not Helping (Your Stereotype) Song #2 on Day #2
You’re Not Helping (Your Stereotype) by Rich Baker
(Verse)
Driving down the road
Going way too slow
It’s like the car in front of me
Is in another reality.
One lane street
I got nowhere to go
Rage is building up inside
My top is ready to blow
Finally another lane
I pull up to the right
And behind the wheel
I see in my sights
An elderly asian woman
Who can barely see over the dash
An elderly asian woman
And I hate to be brash, but…
(Chorus)
You’re not helping
You’re not helping
You’re not helping your stereotype
Are you out to prove all the comedians right?
Because you’re not helping your stereotype.
(verse)
At the line in the bank
There stood a man.
A wrinkled wife beater
And a bad farmer’s tan
He smoked Marlboro reds
And a mullet on top
Drinking Coor’s from a can
I think I saw him on Cops
He hasn’t shaved in three days
He takes advice from Jerry Springer
And drives a truck
Giving people the finger
He likes to eat spam
Bill Engvall’s his hero
When he tries to speak Spanish he mispronounces ‘yo queer-o.’
(Chorus)
You’re not helping
You’re not helping
You’re not helping your stereotype
Are you out to prove the comedians right?
Because you’re not helping your stereotype
(Bridge)
You see them everywhere:
Like ten frat guys at a bar
All hitting on the same chick
Or a guy in a cowboy hat
When it’s not Halloween
A Irish man drunk
On St. Paddy’s day morning
Or a Jewish lawyer asking
The Red Cross guy for change.
We as a people can shatter preconceived thoughts
Do what’s different. Show them all that we got.
Don’t throw up in a cab if you’re slutty drunk girl
Americans need to learn about the rest of the world
Foreigners please tip when you eat out
Black people when you talk you don’t ALWAYS NEED TO SHOUT
(Verse)
I look in the mirror and what do I see?
A nerdy looking white guy staring back at me
Spends too much time on facebook
And quotes movies all day
And when he disapproves of something he says “that’s so gay.”
Don’t wear so many superman t-shirts
Or talk about Battlestar Gallactica all the time
And download illegal music and not think it’s a crime.
He dances way off rhythm or eats food after it’s bad
And blames all his issues on his alcoholic dad.
(Chorus)
I’m not helping
I’m not helping
I’m not helping my stereotype
Am I out to prove all the comedians right?
Because I’m not helping my stereotype
Let’s dare to be different.
Let’s prove them all wrong
We need to start helping
We need to start helping
We need to start helping our stereotype
(Verse)
Driving down the road
Going way too slow
It’s like the car in front of me
Is in another reality.
One lane street
I got nowhere to go
Rage is building up inside
My top is ready to blow
Finally another lane
I pull up to the right
And behind the wheel
I see in my sights
An elderly asian woman
Who can barely see over the dash
An elderly asian woman
And I hate to be brash, but…
(Chorus)
You’re not helping
You’re not helping
You’re not helping your stereotype
Are you out to prove all the comedians right?
Because you’re not helping your stereotype.
(verse)
At the line in the bank
There stood a man.
A wrinkled wife beater
And a bad farmer’s tan
He smoked Marlboro reds
And a mullet on top
Drinking Coor’s from a can
I think I saw him on Cops
He hasn’t shaved in three days
He takes advice from Jerry Springer
And drives a truck
Giving people the finger
He likes to eat spam
Bill Engvall’s his hero
When he tries to speak Spanish he mispronounces ‘yo queer-o.’
(Chorus)
You’re not helping
You’re not helping
You’re not helping your stereotype
Are you out to prove the comedians right?
Because you’re not helping your stereotype
(Bridge)
You see them everywhere:
Like ten frat guys at a bar
All hitting on the same chick
Or a guy in a cowboy hat
When it’s not Halloween
A Irish man drunk
On St. Paddy’s day morning
Or a Jewish lawyer asking
The Red Cross guy for change.
We as a people can shatter preconceived thoughts
Do what’s different. Show them all that we got.
Don’t throw up in a cab if you’re slutty drunk girl
Americans need to learn about the rest of the world
Foreigners please tip when you eat out
Black people when you talk you don’t ALWAYS NEED TO SHOUT
(Verse)
I look in the mirror and what do I see?
A nerdy looking white guy staring back at me
Spends too much time on facebook
And quotes movies all day
And when he disapproves of something he says “that’s so gay.”
Don’t wear so many superman t-shirts
Or talk about Battlestar Gallactica all the time
And download illegal music and not think it’s a crime.
He dances way off rhythm or eats food after it’s bad
And blames all his issues on his alcoholic dad.
(Chorus)
I’m not helping
I’m not helping
I’m not helping my stereotype
Am I out to prove all the comedians right?
Because I’m not helping my stereotype
Let’s dare to be different.
Let’s prove them all wrong
We need to start helping
We need to start helping
We need to start helping our stereotype
Friday, January 1, 2010
Public Transit Love (first song on day 1)
Public Transit Love by Rich Baker
(spoken)
Hey you, girl on the train. I'm in love with you.
(Verse)
Your brown hair peaks thru your hoodie's hood.
Your cute little smile. Which is your neighborhood?
Just look up and you'll be as smitten with me as I with you.
Cause one cta rider plus another makes two.
(Verse)
My love for you is like a boat about to set sail
As I watch you hold on to that dirty hand rail!
Tell me do you believe in love at first sight?
As I hear the announcer say, ‘door’s open on the right.’
(Chorus)
It’s train love. Rolling down the track.
It’s train love. You can’t deny the simple fact.
We’ve never met before, but it’s ordained from up above.
It’s train love. It’s train love.
(Verse)
I want to kiss you and look deep into your eyes
But between us are a business woman and two homeless guys
Oh I wonder so much about you, fair maiden sharing my train car
Are you a local returning home, or have you traveled far?
(Chorus repeats)
(Verse)
I don’t mean to rush our love or move too fast,
I always knew something magical would come from buying a CTA pass
The train is noisy, but don’t you hear it?
Our hearts beat in sink, don’t dare fear it.
(Verse)
I promise i'll be a gentleman. Give you love and affection.
If you don't see me now i'll post later on craig's list's missed connections.
A love like ours is rare. Just look at me and give me a nod.
You are so damn cute listening to your Ipod.
(Chorus repeats)
It’s train love. My love will rise to the top.
It’s train love. Please oh please girl get off at my same stop.
We’ve never met before, but you’re all I’m thinking of.
It’s train love. It’s train love.
(Bridge)
I get off real soon and I want to hold you so close.
Wait, you're getting up. Oh no, your stop is montrose.
Dare I leave my seat and run after you to declare how i feel?
No. The fates have made their choice as I watch you from the window sill.
(Chorus)
It’s train breakin’ up. What greatness we could have been.
It’s train breakin’ up. Now my world’s all in a spin.
I’m like a beggar on the street with an empty change cup.
It’s train breakin’ up. It’s train breakin’ up.
(Verse)
How will I ever again find a love so strong.
The train mocks me as it keeps rolling along.
Oh hello there Ms. pink jacket who just sat across the aisle.
What great hair you have. And i assume what a great smile.
I just had my heartbroken, but you've shown me how i can love again.
My love for you, as long as this train goes, will never end.
(Chorus)
It’s train rebound love. I’ve already forgotten about that girl.
It’s train rebound love. You’re the only thing in my world.
We’ve never met before, but you’re all I’m thinking of.
It’s train rebound love. It’s train rebound love
(spoken)
Hey you, girl on the train. I'm in love with you.
(Verse)
Your brown hair peaks thru your hoodie's hood.
Your cute little smile. Which is your neighborhood?
Just look up and you'll be as smitten with me as I with you.
Cause one cta rider plus another makes two.
(Verse)
My love for you is like a boat about to set sail
As I watch you hold on to that dirty hand rail!
Tell me do you believe in love at first sight?
As I hear the announcer say, ‘door’s open on the right.’
(Chorus)
It’s train love. Rolling down the track.
It’s train love. You can’t deny the simple fact.
We’ve never met before, but it’s ordained from up above.
It’s train love. It’s train love.
(Verse)
I want to kiss you and look deep into your eyes
But between us are a business woman and two homeless guys
Oh I wonder so much about you, fair maiden sharing my train car
Are you a local returning home, or have you traveled far?
(Chorus repeats)
(Verse)
I don’t mean to rush our love or move too fast,
I always knew something magical would come from buying a CTA pass
The train is noisy, but don’t you hear it?
Our hearts beat in sink, don’t dare fear it.
(Verse)
I promise i'll be a gentleman. Give you love and affection.
If you don't see me now i'll post later on craig's list's missed connections.
A love like ours is rare. Just look at me and give me a nod.
You are so damn cute listening to your Ipod.
(Chorus repeats)
It’s train love. My love will rise to the top.
It’s train love. Please oh please girl get off at my same stop.
We’ve never met before, but you’re all I’m thinking of.
It’s train love. It’s train love.
(Bridge)
I get off real soon and I want to hold you so close.
Wait, you're getting up. Oh no, your stop is montrose.
Dare I leave my seat and run after you to declare how i feel?
No. The fates have made their choice as I watch you from the window sill.
(Chorus)
It’s train breakin’ up. What greatness we could have been.
It’s train breakin’ up. Now my world’s all in a spin.
I’m like a beggar on the street with an empty change cup.
It’s train breakin’ up. It’s train breakin’ up.
(Verse)
How will I ever again find a love so strong.
The train mocks me as it keeps rolling along.
Oh hello there Ms. pink jacket who just sat across the aisle.
What great hair you have. And i assume what a great smile.
I just had my heartbroken, but you've shown me how i can love again.
My love for you, as long as this train goes, will never end.
(Chorus)
It’s train rebound love. I’ve already forgotten about that girl.
It’s train rebound love. You’re the only thing in my world.
We’ve never met before, but you’re all I’m thinking of.
It’s train rebound love. It’s train rebound love
My Blog and Why
I am an actor/director/writer who loves to create and entertain. This blog will serve to help me share some of that creativity. In addition it will help me discipline myself in that with people reading this and looking forward to content I will be more apt to create that content.
For the first 100 days this blog will be used for posting song lyrics.
My challege to myself beginning 1/1/10 was to write song lyrics for a full song every day for 100 days. I'll back post all the ones currently written onto here.
Each day from now til day 100 I will post one song per day.
After the 100 days, I'm sure I'll find another way this blog can help me and others.
Thanks for reading,
Rich
For the first 100 days this blog will be used for posting song lyrics.
My challege to myself beginning 1/1/10 was to write song lyrics for a full song every day for 100 days. I'll back post all the ones currently written onto here.
Each day from now til day 100 I will post one song per day.
After the 100 days, I'm sure I'll find another way this blog can help me and others.
Thanks for reading,
Rich
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