I Don’t Wanna Hold Your Baby - Song #35

I Don’t Wanna Hold Your Baby by Rich Baker

I’m happy for you
I really am
You’re now a mother and father
New life just began

I’ve known you both for over six years
You can gloat all you want. It’s allowed.
A bundle of joy you two made
And you both look so pleased and proud

(Chorus)
But please don’t hand me your baby
I really don’t wanna hold the baby
Let’s call it an issue of safety
There’s no need for me to hold the baby

I can clearly see he’s adorable
He’s got his father’s mouth and his mother’s eyes
And I appreciate how great it is for you
You even think it’s cute when he cries

There are other things to talk about like sports and work
Other things to do like golf or cooking
Fine we can talk about the baby more
But I’m more like a window shopper – just looking

(Chorus)
I really don’t wanna hold that baby
I fear it like a dog with rabies
This could be construed as crazy
But I don’t need to hold your baby

(Bridge)
Babies are messy and make lots of noise
And if I get too close, I may destroy
His sense of calm and happy demeaner
And if I make him upset, he’ll become a screamer

(Chorus)
I’m just going to keep distance from your baby
I’ll treat it like a shy guy treats ladies
Or an insurance company treats a man who is eighty
And stay the hell away from that baby