"No Thanks" - Song #5

No Thanks by Rich Baker

(Spoken)
At a late night bar amidst the crowd
You came over and sat down
Brushed your hand on top of mine
And whispered, “Come to my place and I’ll show you a good time.”

(Verse)
It’s been a while since someone’s ever come up
And offered a string-free hook up
I’m flattered and I hope you understand
Normally I’m definitely that kinda man
But in this particular case I simply must say
If you were the best I could get, I would just turn gay

(Chorus)
No Thanks
Not tonight
It just doest feel right.
I’m not trying to be a jerk.
But your face and your body need a whole lotta work.

(Verse)
I’m not against dating older chicks
In fact they can be kinda hot
Some kinda be quite sexy
And then again some are not
You’re forward and very confident
That’s all just great
But I know I’d have
More fun if I masturbate

(Chorus)
No Thanks
Not right now
I think you’re descended from a cow
I don’t wish to harp on this fact
If I were shooting a zombie movie I’d hire you to act

(Bridge)
Rarely does any girl come up to me
On a scale of one to five I’m right at a three
Average. Not ugly. But I won’t turn any heads
So, often I’m not picky and I take what I get
Like a catfish who eats from the gross ocean floor
I shoot for the stars and sometimes even more
But I settle for what will be willing for me
Even a blind man has standards. So, I’m so sorry…but

(Chorus)
No Thanks
And good luck
I hope you find someone willing to…talk to you
No Thanks
You’re not my type
You’re like a piece of fruit that’s way over ripe
No Thanks
Am I who
Seems like a guy who would be with the likes of you?
Not a chance
In all of hell
You’d have to put me under a magic spell.

(Verse)
I know I sound like a pompass, selfish ass
And normally I’m understanding and let things pass
But in your case my only solution
Is to write you off as failed Darwinian Evolution

No Thanks!